representing different times and moods

Friday, March 9, 2018

The Wedding blog

So, life is supremely busy. Why, you may ask? Apart from the daily life business of life - if you are particularly slow and haven't noticed the heading (That cheek of me!) - WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!!! 👫💟💖💏💋


We are plunging headlong in to a big (moderately so) fat (not so much) Indian wedding. 
This moderately endowed wedding is still 400+ strong and my father, dear father, is fretting that its not a high number of invitees. I said I wanted something around 50 strong, but hey, party!

My darling boyfriend, Fiance doesn't sound that endearing , is one brave, strong man. But more than that, he is a caring, Loving, and kind human with a beautiful soul. He is more worried about stuffing up during the ceremony here in India than the actual act. Australians are made of Stern stuff, stern stuff that uses a lot of slang, but sternly yet funnily amazing nonetheless. 

SO while we struggle with the tiny details that keep cropping up here there , and we finish them, with finesse and graceful design solutions , while I tinker and weigh the gold and silver, while my mom busily feeds me deliciousness and I struggle with keeping my Yoga regime in place  - I also await eagerly the arrival of my groom to India with is Family. 

How surreal this seems, yet how very natural. No effort has been spared as far as the preparations from my parents go, I have been blessed much with the people that I have, and everything else is just icing on the cake of life.. indeed, beneath all the gilts and glam of this wedding, the main thing is to celebrate the union of us. I am aware that being able to marry an Australian, being an Indian girl is a very huge deal in itself. Getting to celebrate it here with my family , in the amazing traditional way, with his family all jumping on board with such enthusiasm is another blessing. My friends from all over the world have also arrived with glee and dedication. To celebrate me marrying this amazing man who I already feel so firmly married to , in a maidenly way (!) - This is indeed , a girl's dreams coming true.

I am trying to finish this blog before the Mahendi starts, once it is on, there will not be any time at all for me to do much writing.

So just a blog of gratitude. To the universe. To the people that love me. To everyone that wish us well. To my parents, my brother,and my man - ( the most gentlemanly of them all, even in his Thongs and broad shorts) Thank you so much for your efforts, gentleness and generosity. To all his family and my friends too!

Now that I have successfully made this sound like an Oscars acceptance speech, back to the point.
We are getting married on the 12th of March 2018. Just near our first kiss anniversary (!) without that being planned. This was 12 am, just as the 14th ticked over. I had been to a birthday party and T picked me up, way back in 2015, I broke a shoe in the customary way, and was loath to walk barefoot - and seeing my indecision , he picked me up. Literally this time. Swept right off of my feet and walked the fair distance between the restaurant and the parked car with me in his arms. What is a young, beautiful and dreamy girl to do but to allow a kiss that night, later in a park as we observed the night. Waiting for the laden sky to give and the clouds to pour their hearts on us. As the first drops of that sultry night fell , he asked me if we should get home before we got wet. I got off of the thoughtfully brought picnic blanket with a regretful heart (it was very close to midnight and he had work and an hours drive before he could find his bed as he has just volunteered to come all the way just to drop me off to a 10 minute away location. Because dad had been worried that I'd come to grief coming back from the party and I was close to not going, which made me unhappy, and Tim - he being him, wouldn't have it that way). The rain held up again just as I got up, so I, gleefully went down again, "we can stay.." And he came down on top, so I got my first kiss.

So, we will marry. And hopefully, we shall kiss even more. Being addicted to all levels of kisses as we are. We will love, serenely, passionately, kindly and gently. Truthfully and successfully. Wildly and magically, deeper than the ocean and more eternal than the universe, in a healthy long age. Wish us this, if you would wish us anything.

Yours truly,

Miss Magicaldiva, soon to be Mrs. One very spoilt yet grateful girl woman.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

What is sorrow


It is the inability to,
Put in words.
Words with which,
I could describe.
How much it hurts,
To be with but without you.

Sorrow happens when,
I dream of us.
With longing for us,
As we were.
It is a physical pain,
Debilitating, instantaneous, dangerous.
It's as if I'm bleeding,
But you ,the world, can't see it.

Helpless, as I am here,
The sun is shining.
The world is fine,
But I am clutching my heart.
Trying to relieve some pain.

I seem selfish,
Bent on getting my way,
I am just trying to stop hurting.
Stop the yearnings and longings,
But only you can, and I am not you.
While you may call me silly,
Ignore , say you don't care.

You only make me yearn more.
Now for your touch, your care, your respect.
If someone is hurting, you can't decide they're not.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Avian Aspirations

After being on an intense, hormone fueled rampage that brought out everything that bothered me to the obvious dissatisfied forefront, needing to be dealt with now, I boarded the flight to Malaysia with a heavy heart and a throbbing head. Utter exhaustion was mine even before the journey started. Well, true travelers rest while they travel.
Hormones only makes one utter things that otherwise keep lurking under the surface. I suppose this brain fever has one use, to bring about the conversations that if not had and dealt with would spread like poison inside, a cancer, becoming too powerful. I would always choose discomfort and pain in the moment of facing the truth rather than a slow demise of something wonderfully magical. It’s worth the efforts, it’s worth it all.
Leaving the arms of my lover and going across that band from where I cannot see his dear face, which was the hardest part. The knowledge of his exhaustion as well with the emotional onslaught we were/ are going through just makes my pride in him shine more. We will endure, and learn and keep loving better and giving more.
This is about impressions of airports, cities and people. The sky of Kuala Lumpur entered my sleep blurred vision like a teeming sack of fires. The lights kept going out after flickering for a while and I could only liken it to bonfires lit on farmlands. Definitely not what I had imagined that sky to look like. My fancy had taken me there long before with the impressive swooping glimpses of the lightest Petronas towers and a city that was a floor of diamonds. This was however, different. Not any less interesting, just different.
The only comment to be made of KL airport is that they need to make sure that their charging ports actually work,, that there are some sleeping lounges and that their female staff don’t merely push another female traveler aside , gently of course, but use words to display that intention.
I have to say that on this flight, somehow, I have been attracting attention. Suspicious one that is. Always get the interested / attracted one, but this is rather new. Maybe I looked too carefree, the “I don’t care anymore” attitude that I have been carrying around in my soul may seem a bit destructive. Even in India, three times people actually just stopped me to ask to see my passport, not sure if I look like a confused combination of nationalities as well. Had to open my bag for inspection as the security wondered why I had copious amounts of vegetables in my hand luggage too. But all fun and games, all in all, to relieve the tedium of a 24 hour + long journey dotted with airport stays. However, my aimless wanderings up and down the Chennai airport strip did make a few security guards ask me what was up, they directed me towards food, where to rest and one also gave me his phone to make a much needed phone call home when my roaming failed to activate. It still hasn’t, it won’t.

 My first glimpse of my country was different this time around, as the golden hazed , mystical sky let go of our wonder of an aviation machine ( I half expected to see some phoenixes or golden unicorns) as the sun rose high above the cloud line, and there was a moment where the plane hung, between the blanket of the clouds and the atmosphere below, the shards of pristine light filtering through, the sun seeming like it was almost level with me, or I was almost with the sun…and the land below unfolded.
I was sitting there wondering at how we have actually managed to fly. How absolutely amazing the realization is, when you pause to really think about it, and feel that sensation, let your little brain grasp the enormity of that fact. See if you don’t get goosebumps.

Temple near the Chennai airport


Think we can’t overcome other things?
Saying a teary farewell to the Australian shore had been raw and emotional, even though I shall see it again soon. The blue coasting stretched under me as the city just rose and was left behind, before that I could trace the path of the rivers, find the roofs of my old university, that Jetty where I’ve walked hand in hand with my lover, and then, to my delighted surprise ,I saw the place where we first met, laid out on the ocean like a blooming flower , and then it wasn’t hard for me to follow the path of the coast to find the area where we always go to try and make the dog swim.
They are now my life, of this I am certain. 
As I was mentioning, the shore of my motherland, was as dramatic as you would expect such a great country to be. Laid out in a great patchwork pattern were one of the world’s most fertile plains, which feed more than a billion peoples. Each village distinctively traceable with their own patch of land, worked by its people diligently. Connected by pounded dirt roads that snaked around. Watching how the land lay by air is indeed a pleasure.  I could find the national highway that I have been driven on before to get to Chennai on a study trip as an architecture grad and saw how the dirt routes connected to it, a way I didn’t expect. The farmlands were bordered with coconut palms and little cars raced on the big six lane tarmac highway.
There were water bodies and giant homes, sheds and modernist apartment blocks. Lush green that is so rare on the Perth horizon. Indeed, in fertility, this land doesn’t disappoint. Anything that touches it comes to life.
There were some mines, I believe, with winding dirt roads going inside the bowels of the earth, and large craters and cliffs, where I could see the shades of the red and brown loam. Amazing geological formations that I wouldn’t have fully grasped the full configuration of on foot. Things of beauty and awe.
The city started slowly, and then become full all of a sudden. Little match box homes flanked on the sides with coconut palms, this was the real Chennai. Little roads that snaked in and out, making streets that were alive with activity early in the waking city. Homes were painted in flamboyant colours. I actually saw one house that was sun-ray yellow. That is the only colour that I could honestly describe it with. Sunshine. There were hues of blues and greens, ocher and pink. No Grey and white here.
I found the airport staff a lot more polite here than Malaysia. I didn’t think that possible but it is true.  They are actually much friendlier and nicer, even if they do not have supposed western refinement of manners of saying “thanks” a lot and yes, in India, people will cut queues and it is rather frustrating. The idea of letting others go first is actually faster has a lot of time to wait before it gets accepted.
How is it that the delayed announcements in airports never really sound sorry, even though they vehemently declare their regrets? (Applies to public transport too?)

Now I await the final leg of my journey, rather impatiently to be quite honest. Since the morning phone call that I made to my mother from a kindly security officer’s phone, there had been no other contact and I cannot wait to be in their arms. And to talk to my lover too who hopefully has been contacted by my mother.
 I shall go and pace impatiently or read my regency romance a bit more, they’re about to make love. :P
My face was lit with a constant smile a whole half hour before the plane landed. I then forgot that I was actually on a domestic plane and was pleasantly surprised when I could just walk out of the airport without the excruciatingly painful wait of customs. I could see them from the glass. Since before the landing my heart had started its excited palpitations. Similar to the ones I had when my man came back from the long work trip, but those were just a bit harder.
Love reunions. The best things in this world.
The first impression that one gets here is, why is every tenth person on the road suicidal? From a drunk looking bicyclist coming opposite to the main highway traffic at night to the shooter riders thinking somehow that turning in on a road in front of an oncoming 4x4 is simply a brilliant idea.
Home, home. The place where I grew up. After my homes in Australia, the first sensation is that everything is much smaller. The second thing one notices is the dust. It’s on everything. There is classic combination of having too much stuff and not having enough space here. The thing I do usually is to De clutter and it seems like a everyone else is catching up. Just takes a day to get used to it again.
But the love I feel for every single room, every little seat, all the books and plant, and the comfortable nooks, yes, it stays, no matter how dusty.
Outside much seems to have changed. A little piece of green heaven has been destroyed, but another has been grown. The little public park has, after all these year, acquired a dust bin. Its top half broken. There is much to clean and arrange in the home and I don’t feel like moving.
“That’s how you deal with your faults, you make them your features, your strengths. Your specialties.” “You be proud of them and learn/own them” Just uttered by my brother and edited by me. That is true.
Last night was beautiful. It is beautiful to be with my folks. Cuddling with my brother is always good. We slept and he warmed my cold hands in his. He has lost weight but grown a bit taller. We shaved his little goat beard and mustache. The love doesn’t go away, it’s so mesmerizing. Brother is still my baby, as he came and lay on my lap. He may have turned 18. Still my baby. His complaint is my bum isn’t as big as it was because when he tries to kick he can feel the bone. You come back and it’s all there, waiting for you to pick it up where you left it. No awkwardness. It’s all yours. I know it’s not like that with everyone but I and mine, yes it is, and hopefully that stays. 

If anything, my lover has taught me more, he has taught me how to love better.  To conquer my faults and be my best version. He may not know this, but he is admired, someone I think brings the best out ( and the worst, sometimes).

That’s what good love is about. You learn to be better person because you want to be the best you can be for them. It makes us all better. 

Just as my brother went downstairs for me to get the phone for me without my having to ask, even though he was playing his game, as he knows I am in much pain today. (He has me sitting near him while we both work on our own things) We are used to being close. Doesn’t mean we can’t stay apart, but we do like to be together. That’s how I’ve learnt to love, caring and close. Learning that if we are 100% truthful, we all are reliant on each other to a certain degree. We do what the other needs us to.
This trip promises to be beautiful. There is a certain charm to all this. Even the ear splitting music (annoying!) coming from the next door neighbour’s function. Plus I get to say, ‘hey puppy!’ to all the stray dogs and miss my pups.
Love till next :) stay safe. 

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Love and remembering its roots

You have to keep your love fresh and alive. If you are lucky enough to have found that love from which there is no return. No other titles are needed for it, it consumes heart,soul and your whole being. It makes you grow, without trying to change you. It's support, it's the courage of great communication, it's pure truth. It's chemistry that seems natural. It's best friends and lovers. It's messed up and challenging, it requires you to be authentic, fully present.
it's the most magical thing of all. It's happiness. It's defined by giving kindness. By the courage of sticking it out in the bad times, not chickening out for selfish reasons or our own comfort.
It's not the fairytale sold to us. It's the great love , the stuff of legends.

If you have it, make sure to keep it well.
Honor it.

1. Listen like it’s the first time you’ve heard their words.
2. Make love like you’ve just discovered their body.
3. Laugh with them like it’s the last time you’ll hear their joy.
4. Cry with them like they've just revealed what makes them vulnerable.
5. Dream with them like there’s nothing to keep you from making it all come true.
6. Be honest about what you need and ask them for the same.
7. Give your time to them as if this is the last moment you’ll have together.
8. Kiss like every kiss is the last one.
9. Ask for what you need as if you’ve never asked before.
10. Treat them like they're your best friend, even when they're not.
11. Forgive them when they mess up. It will be your turn sometime.
12. Love them with the best part of yourself, and while you’re at it, love yourself the same.
13. Feel free to say ‘I love you and this won’t break us apart’ in the middle of your worst argument.
14. Spend time apart.
15. Spend time together like you mean it, not just because you’re a couple. Go on adventures.
16. Take every moment together for the gift that it is. Imagine the end and remember the beginning. Do things that you give as gifts, things they want you to do, not only what you are comfortable with.
17. Be honest, even when you’re feeling like lying. Sometimes we say what we don’t mean, because we don’t want to be hurtful. But just admit that, and then say what you really mean. Its never too late to admit the truth.
18. Show them that they're important enough for you to drop everything to attend to them. We all need a little reminder of this.
19. Be real, your most authentic self, and ask for the same.
20. Walk away if its non existent, and bank love like there’s no walking away. You  breath together, spiritually.
21. Don’t be afraid to grow at different times and in different areas. Honor the differences, and remember that your partner is a seeker just like you.
22. Send each other letters. When spoken words are difficult, the written word can heal.
23. Get naked when words are nothing but well sharpened knives. Let your bodies bring you back to center.
24. Surprise them. Remind them that you’re magical.
25. Treat yourself as well as you’d like them to treat you.

Always give what they need, not what you're wanting to do only
Be kind.
Be gentle.
Do not take them for granted. Ever.  Just because you know you have their love doesn't mean you don't try to keep doing your best. Everyday

Here's to an amazing new year full of love, lust, laughter and little big moments of eternal magic and success, happiness, enchanted adventures. May we flourish.