the world and me.

so news of the day, Osama Bin Laden's dead,so far so good. call me traditional, but it is the other hypotheses and complaints about how something Important is not true which really annoy me.

actually, in the morning, the news of the day for me was that the golden shower tree(Cassia fistula) had been broken almost from the base, a victim of the neighbour's maid who had been searching for firewood the other day.a good shock to get early in the morning while i was out watering my newly planted stuff in the front wood bend. so of course, i had to corner her,and give her a lecture on not considering 5 foot tall "almost tree" plants as "twigs" (as she usually excuses her self by saying she's just collecting twigs off the big trees).i had been watering that plant from more than 5 years.it really isn't a laughing matter,i am happy that she wasn't around when i actually found out and had some time to cool off before the interview. sometimes trees feel like an extension of your self.i am not calling it "my" tree. it is harder to take care of the plants in the public wood.from cattle to firewood collectors to children who have nothing better to do but cut them, each one had to be warned off.

as for firewood,it is a necessary nuisance,to be honest. it is a good thing that most people collecting it are aware enough (and wary enough of the those who complain) to not to cut the tree itself, twigs are alright from time to time. i just wanted that girl to understand that if she would break the slender tree like that, how did she expect to get twigs in the future,for twigs one has to have a big tree. it wasn't only the one tree i mentioned, she had also broken another one which had been growing on it's own from quite a while.it is almost like seeing a dead person.

the heat here is quite sickening,mostly in the noon/afternoon time. though the winds are blowing hard and fast from today, the dry leaves go rolling around on roads,dust ,flowers ,leaves and twigs swirl in many mini tornadoes that are always around in the dry hot noon.those winds become the winds of inspiration in the cooler times of night and morning, making your hair fly about pleasantly, your skirts twirl around your ankles and you start humming something sweet and nostalgic. this is the feeling the ancients have also known,and i know it now. how wonderful that is? the connection we seem to have through out the centuries by the medium of feeling? love, hate,rage,greed- all the same. also these minute, indescribable,unnamed feelings which can only be felt - i am pretty sure- are much the same. in this wind, when i close my eyes, i can picture Tom Sawyer experiencing the same sense of elation and joy, of wonder and hope ,adventure and exhilaration,and something yet more subtle.(or make it the little Mark if you will insist on being particular:P)  it makes you want to jump,twirl and run, it makes you want to leave all your work and sit down,gazing at the trees , thinking nothing in particular, it makes you want to pick up your favourite book, it makes you want to be in love, all the good feelings in the world somehow unite to make a canvas of unsorted colours, unidentified, undefined, yet pretty and surely there. these are the times when i think of fairies and magic, roaming lions, flying girls, prince charming-s , big ball gowns and starry nights,songs well sung , birds that accompany, good detectives, love stories, freedom fights,handsome men :P,birds of paradise, unexplored lands and calming tunes,mountains great, seas that paint, blooming flowers in gardens, laughing children,sincere smiles, small good deeds, the olden times...oh this wind does make me go on.

to be VERY politically interested from poetically inclined.
and to bring about an abrupt change of subject.

-what is Pakistan about?Laden living right under their noses and they don't know it? 800 mts away from the national army institute, that sure is too much.they say they can not "allow" such operations within their borders,well right enough,but isn't it too late for their righteous indignation?if they don't want foreighn interference, they have to do something about the terrorists hiding there. they'd better stopped sulking and said sorry to the world.we KNOW what ISI is always up to, one would think that atleast the killing of their own citizens would wake them up,but no they continue to be double or more faceted, the government their is crappy,while i do not hold anything against the people.

-Osama is dead.the direct benefactor is Mr.Obama,not that i mind it,he atleast knows the right things to say most of the times.plus, he tries and is a rather good human being.after all, it is always easy to blame those who have all the power AND all the responsibility, what does it matter if he does get good public favour now?does it really matter? after all, he is better than Mr.Bush. that's just my personal opinion. every one's just human,and we expect too much,too soon.it isn't always possible,but of course, that doesn't mean we stop demanding or dreaming, it just means that we be more understanding, slow to blame and condemn.
(who thinks "SHE is saying that?" with an incredulous expression?) :D

 -US is being quite smug about this,not that i say it's wrong.i applaud the efforts and sacrifices, of all the soldiers from UN,US,UK,and many others, as well as the good forces of Afghanistan and all those people there.that beautiful country has suffered so much, i wish it would prosper soon. while my brother is pretty excited about WHO actually fired the shot that killed Osama. i am not that eager to know.

-USA had made many mistakes,and the world has paid dearly for it,monsters like Osama,Gaddafi etc were created during the cold war,just so that Russian powers could not have any hold in those countries, i never understood why those two countries had to be in a death race like that.

- there are many powerful people in the world,it is power that corrupts them,we all like to think that we are right,but with power to be wielded single handedly , this thing really gets to your head.we need people who are more capable of handling power.who do not get drunk with it. dictators turn bad, always because of this sense of power. and that is why democracies are always the safest bet.

-as i and the kids were saying just last week,"why bother with world domination,after all,what will you DO with the world anyway?(we failed to see any attraction in owning the whole of the world) you just get a lot of responsibilities,which you,being human, can not possibly see to,your hair turn white and you look old (IF you aren't already half dead getting the world in the first place) , you have to again divide the world and assign it to your underlings,and they revolt after all,as it is human nature to do so.what's the use of going to all that much of trouble" how come the supposedly "master minds" of Alexander the great,Napoleon Bonaparte and Hitler failed to see this?( i consider Hitler the foolishest really,so he doesn't count, hadn't half a chivalrous bone in his body)

-India,has always (literary) shouted at the top of her voice- that Pakistan is the home of terrorism,since the things started to go bad in our heavenly Kashmir valley.no one paid any attention, or even cared till they started to attack the western world.that is the thing about good and bad things, the world is round, it gets around to you.i know what the feeling is like, terrorists are called that aptly. it is pure, white hot terror, that seizes you when you find your self helplessly in their power, some one dear to you is somewhere in the city being bombed, in the train that blew or a tower that fell.you don't want to feel that. you'd be  glad for each terrorist dead.

-if nothing else,Osama's death is a symbolic boost to people's belief in the victory of good.i don't care if it doesn't signify anything else.i don't care if he was dead in 2007,this is the moral and emotional boots the world badly needed, the sense of something really happening in this war against terrorism. it IS relevant and necessary.

-i am still not sure why US had to go headlong in fight with Iran, the poor country is still in chaos.it is too bad when people start thinking chaos is normal.well of course i know the technical stuff, and don't need a lecture in history and faults.sometimes i feel that US doesn't have to poke it's nose around every where.but there are good and bad sides to everything. i wouldn't want them telling India what to do though.

-as for Nato dealing with Gaddafi- go AHEAD.my hope for Libya is that ,after when all this is finished,as it is bound to sooner or later,that you are not too broken, that NATO helps the Libyan citizens create a democracy, no more dictators, they always end up doing odd stuff, btw, any good dictator in history? not a king, dictator. will accept a lecture about that.

-it is always better that international organizations, and not one country, acts against a way ward nation.they HAVE the right. humans, sadly ,have to be kept more in check than beasts.

-why did the "nuclear hellstorm in Europe, if Laden hurt" threat came last week, if we are to suppose that he was killed back in 2007? now please don't tell me that news was pressed on the press by US ,or that Al queda is in league with USA.the hoaxers and doubters are sometimes so at odds.

-the world certainly needs to unite,for a brighter,calmer and peaceful future,so that we can concentrate on issues that have more power than the terrorists.natural calamities, energy,food and water problems etc. while we can not let these bad people go about bullying and harassing us.if we unite ,everything is possible, and now this statement doesn't only concern any one country. this is for the whole world to understand.

-we all need to do our part now,in the midst of fears of retaliation from the terrorists,our only real protection is our instincts,eyes and ears,if you find anything fishy, report it,don't ignore it! we saw a big bag on a bike just today in front of a bank,we called the security there,it's good that the owner of that bag came running there when he saw people were around his bike. meaning, do not worry about being wrong, it is quite worth it.only the people can really do something.

i actually had a lot more to say but i seem to have lots the edge somewhere up-there in the description of feelings.the things i was thinking before were really crisp.....the wind must have blown them away.

truly , the past was more subtle , not so much happening in the world you know, things have picked up pace now,since a few decades, things happen more, are more dreadful and deadly. in the eras of ignorance, i have to say it was less oftener then now that something bad and big happened.have we really evolved?

-so,Britain had it's royal wedding, US had today. and obviously, because of my love for big days, i had to write.

what's more,a music exam that went unexpectedly well,a week's visit from my favourite cousin sister,a delightful photoshoot,a shopping day in Ahmedabad and our raid on a second hand book shop,movies,music , laughter and fun. lots of love, plants and creative things. totally beats world domination. for the world is almost at your feet. :)

art cravings

i do not know when i will be drawing again, but, after a long long ,,,longgggg time, i sketched again today. the last 40 minutes have been fused with energy and the need to create something, gosh! i was browsing and than i just HAD to drop everything and get a paper and a pencil , now, nothing to get all excited about as far as the results are concerned, they are not all that brilliant, but for some one who hadn't sketched seriously in year, 2 in 40 minutes isn't something you can laugh about.

my, i feel exhausted, i  am yawning and almost ready to  fall asleep. what ever did adrenalin do? when i started drawing it was like each time when i had wanted to draw, but hadn't the time, had come together and i was drawing just like that, what ever came to mind and vision. so eh well... that happens right. 
usually i have such driven need to write, but hey , i love to sketch. so with no claims to high artistic skills, i shall share with you the result of the last 40 minutes efforts .

hmm, ok so the lips could use a better hand, but this is the best i could do with them. i like the eyes and nose, but after scanning i realised that i could have added more hair.. alas.

a piece of drift wood that i found in the great desert of Kutchh. this one is the better of the two i think, it does look a lot like the original piece lol so yeah that's that.. 
but the scanned ones don't look as good as the true paper ones.. duh


let's see what we can accomplish on the writing front today than. but right now, i am just going to read. William{by Richmal Crompton} , here i come.

random late night reveries

nothing definite,short stuff , simply going to be random.

- i have started to feel that facebook is a huge waste of time,but i feel pretty disappointed when there is nothing new on there from any of my friends. i usually try to stick to the number of 50 friends, any more than that, starts to make me uncomfortable, 50 is my safe zone, close family and friends, with a few others, and that's about all those i care to be connected to on every day bases, this being one reason for my being particularly flamboyant or silly/frivolous on there too. it's very personal, simply.

- i love shoes, more to the point, i love looking at shoes,  i like classy things, and even cloths are not so elegant as shoes, they first need a body to be in them really, shoes , are perfect. while i don't buy too many, and just broke 2 or my total 3 heels, still i am not sure i'll be buying many of those uncomfortable kind, they are just for those who don't need to walk.

- i love skirts, i barely have the figure for it.but i guess long ones that i prefer aren't all that bad on me.

- books make me go quite silly. i am sure i'd be uncontrollable more regarding books than shoes or cloths if i had all that money to spend.

- i love floral prints, i prefer dogs over cats as pets, and i don't prefer pink over red.my favourite colour for lips and nails is blood red.

- i love white cloths with tiny pale flowers, i love everything about the "Jane Auten era"
http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/

- i like big jewellery, i love aquamarine and hues of the ocean. i love olive green, to melt in with the forest. i love my hunter shoes, they are so macho :P

- Italy , is my dream destination,so is Paris ,Kenya,London,Ladakh , the whole of Himalayas and Romantic Venice.

- Bombex Ceiba ,just happens to be my favourite tree, because of it's flowers and it's scales.

- i do silly talk to animals, not that they reply back,well not in words at least.but i won't be caught dead talking like that with any human whom i didn't know well.

- i have a tendency to be childish during half the conversation my loved ones would have with me during the day, i fancy i am still being my 6 year old self at those times.well, duh, they love it and so do i. i am also as stern and disciplining as an army office (my brother's words!)

- sometimes i indulge in dry humour during any commonplace conversation. new eh? the remark is sometimes so unexpected and sharp that it takes time for people to understand that they were to laugh.

- Karma,i think, is to scare your actions in to submission. i believe in doing good,, for the sake of doing good, and not for any selfish reason, like reserving a place in heaven for one's self after death. so don't argue with me with the aid of Karma, won't be getting you anywhere, i believe in doing something good,everyday, i love the feeling after having helped someone, or having made someone smile. not that it is not selfish pleasure.

- i hate hypocrites.

- i have more friends abroad than i have in India, not counting my cousins, they are family,and very close too. i hope to meet every one more than only ones in my life though. it would be such a great pity if i didn't , i love them all and they all are so great.

- i like my photos being taken, period!

- i sometimes wonder how people have the leisure to go in to soul wrenching depression, but as i've been in it ones, i suppose it's not all that hard either, i am a little hard hearted, even in that time i thought i'll manage till the earth doesn't stop revolving on it's axis. this is so NOT pointed at anyone. what more amazes me is how people can find the time and the patience to read all those "positive thinking" books, it's all repetitive junk and we should be able to motivate our selves.

- after having said the above like a little rainbow, i will contradict my self and say that at times, dying doesn't seem like a very bad idea at all.

- i don't seem to make men feel protective towards me, may be i am not that sort of a girl i suppose.while i do seem to attract a lot of debate and opinions.

- i forget my brilliant lines/songs/poems by the time i reach the pen and paper, as i usually get them while walking outside :P

- i seem to have a big writer's block.

- i am determined to be a writer.

- my idea of a perfectly romantic morning would be, under a huge tree, resting my head on someone's lap, reading my favourite book, and occasionally looking at the leaves rustling above, their thick foliage filtered through by the dazzling sun rays. all in the Austen costumes, you understand ;)

- i need a "new everything" for my birthday, i celebrate getting one year older, one year wiser,and having spent a year on this beautiful planet.

- the only person i really really resent is our chief minister. because he resents anything that doesn't give him money,trees,farm land,forests, the list goes on.

- this year's wish list for my birthday is not yet fully determined, but books are there, i don't have the last two parts of "His Dark Materials" so it can't go wrong.any fantasy book can't go wrong really. like the "Septimus Heap series". i like gifts that make sense, don't give me hearts that say mushy stuff,jewellery and cloths can always be used hough. and so can money.not chocolates, i don't eat those much. give me plants instead, i like them and they grow. don't buy cards for me, if you must give it, than make them or draw something. the card industry is a disaster. but some are really very pretty, and i collect them :P use your discretion , i seem to be totally gone case tonight.

- i can't help but love second hand books.

- i am in love with Sherlock Holmes, Vincent Van Gogh and the "shadow king" in the "city of the dreaming books". really. and of course Mr. Darcy.......for a look from those eyes.

-  i wanted to be an artist,a scientist, a researcher and adventurer, a historian, a singer, a spy, and a singer as a child. huh..i am studying architecture and music, i hope to travel, but i am not a spy. 

- i am conceited, but humble enough to know it. 

-  some may think that there is nothing that i resent in my life,nothing that hurts me every day,nothing that is more a physical pain, that i am a too self absorbed to be sad. i am just aware of the fact that, those little sorrows are a part of those things that make life worth living, i live with those. 

- if i ever wrote to you "love" as an end of email/note address, i totally mean it. i do not use that word lightly. it means that i trust you, respect you, and,despite all our deferences, consider you a very close friend, i can not give you anything more than that, because that is the strongest bond,the biggest gift.nothing else from me can surpass that.  


-Romantic love is,i don't know what it is. so won't be talking about it.


- i enjoy giving gifts,i choose/make each very carefully, may be those might not be what the other person would have liked sometimes.

- it takes a lot to sicken me, i rarely, if ever, have nervous break downs. if there are any, they'd be emotional rather than anything from the outside. i am good at the time of problems,i seem to adopt a philosophical attitude towards them. i don't scare easy, i fight for my loved ones, and no one bullies me :P

 - well the last is not true,some people bully me, but not appear to be bullying so i get bullied :P and i am scared of the dark sometimes.

- snakes scare me more than lions, but i have had to kill a snake, so.. not that i relish that thought. the poor dear thing.

- i procrastinate in writing.

- i love to cook/design cloths but not sew them my self/design good spaces.

- i love thread work on cloth, little beads work and i wish i had more time to make those.

-  i am running out of space to store the books.

- my knee is in pain, i know, wrong construction by the standards of English Language, who said i was talking in English language? i went for a long jogging run with my brother, very long , mind you, and that is something stupid to do with a hurt knee joint, that's all  my hidden "maleness" at work i suppose :P how silly. i am also excited about the next month himalayan trip, i want to be fit for it.it is going to be pain walking from tomorrow, for a while. that is, if i do go anywhere tomorrow, ahhh....

- i am feeling rather lonely, and want to talk with some one, but chatting has always seemed rather a hollow form of communication to me.

- i have no aim, to write this blog entry, other than, i suppose, to sort out a few things in my head about my self.

- i do hope no one is offended by anything that i might have said on here. it is really all about me and not about anything else. 

- i am a study in contradictions, i know that. but still i'd like to talk of it with you, but in writing, always in writing, for , oh , it is so achingly romantic and real :)

I,Me and Mine.

blogging is all about being self centred, people like me who took on writing online after starting out on personal diaries must feel that they are so very "full of them selves" but i guess, that's what it is for, to make your friends read about you whether that wish it or not :P he he

well jokes aside, i have been at the hight of things lately, more to the point,stubborn and disciplined in a way.been giving every one a piece of my mind,so to speak. people around me usually say that i am sweet (i am talking about real people around me, friends) but they also know that i have a foul temper when provoked.i can't be silenced if i think that the other person is making an ass of himself, or being a hypocrite. i hate those.sometimes i think overly sentimental stuff foolish and i have no love of soft mushy stuff. though my parents always say i am so over the top romantic,so that i am not sure what side of me you might encounter when ever you happen to do so, depends very much on the circumstances. the only word that i am sure about being "me" is being very much opinionated.

had an almost volatile argument with the priest this morning. we usually do not bother each other, i rarely ever visit the temple,i do not believe that God is confined to the temple. he/she/it is every where, in the grass blades, in the trees, in the wind that plays with my hair, in the sun ,moon and stars, inside me and you, and of course in a Temple :) so well, i don't see him often. i mean the portly old man with crooked brown/yellow teeth and a white beard who serves as the priest here.

an old gentleman has planted many native plans and trees in a rectangular patch of land, in front of the temple.it's been almost 3 years since he started working on it,and not a long time from the time when it was the emerald jewel of the temple grounds.thick foliage canopied over the smaller flowering plants and fruit trees.he had put two big bird baths there,a small shade made of logs firmly hammered in the earth and covered with leaves, for every one who wished to sit there in their spare time. as well as a packed earth sitting area. he is quite old more than 85 i am sure,he's been a good friend to me, gave me saplings and even fruits and flowers.while we funded his effort to put a protective boundary of thorn bushes and Henna plants around the plantation afterwards.he sometimes comes over on his bicycle for chats when he is feeling better (well he is old). it's been good,he'd go there every morning around 6 or even sometimes at 5 when the water pressure in the municipality line was low to water the plants.he does work a lot,it is a labour of love, he simply loves the plants, and at his age, it is really something. he has always told me that trees belong to every one,they give food,calm and shelter to every one,they are the true messengers of God.he firmly believe that it is more worth while to do gardening than to attend the temple pooja time.at least he is giving something back to the community. And this,from a person who we call illiterate,in our modern terms,agreed that he doesn't know how to read or write,but he seems to have achieved the highest spiritual and philosophical degree. he knowns what life is really about. i like him all the better for that.

(i wish more old people were interested in doing something good rather than be absorbed in their own woes, all the time complaining to every one and God too i am sure, about how hard life has been to them,how the new generation shows no affection and how the world is doomed because their son/daughter in law forgot their birthday, like COME ON- they seem to have the advantage of lots of free time after they retire right, no job to keep them from doing what they always wished to do,well may be not bungee jumping,but like there are hundreds of more productive and creative pursuits-most elders around here seem to think that the burden of refining and progressing of the community depends only on the youth,like, come on, we have jobs,unsorted love lives,dreams and the wish to give something back to the world of course, to make each day full. so stop calling us lazy and bonkers. i am not saying that it is pardonable to slight the elderly though, they have a wealth of experiences and wisdom, i just wish that they used it them selves too.)

anyhow, the problem was the priest's jealousy of my old friend's popularity and flourishing garden. every one greeted him every morning and partook of the advantages of the trees.he hated how every one said he was doing great work,how beautiful the garden was.etc the priest planted two rows of decorative palms along the short path leading to the temple and cut and diverted the waterline from the old gentleman's patch of green.under the pretence of needing the water for the palms. i noticed the dry, dreary state of the smaller plants in the patch on my morning walk with mom, the bigger trees were fine but the herbs,flowering plants and shrubs were all yellowing under the strong summer sun.my first horrible thought was that my friend had passed away, i hadn't seen him in about 15 days because of my work routine.well, he is old, but may he live many more healthy years. he is fine, as i made a dash for it early this morning, but very much grieved to see his beloved plants dying slowly,the bird baths are empty and the soil very much dry. i and mom went to talk things over with the priest, and he started shouting like an oaf that he is,"who are you to come here telling me what to do", "you have no right to speak" , outrageous-  well you don't say those words in India, you just don't mess with the world's largest democracy. it is enough to make me go flying over the rage threshold. while the puny details of the heated exchange is not what should concern us, i must , for the sake of a belated laugh mention that i told him to not to shout on me,i was not his wife, i bloody well will speak as i lived in India and not Afghanistan and that he had no right to divert public water lines, and kill birds and plants too.  he should not think that, as we were women, we'll not take harsher actions than a simple request. that seemed to remind him that,after all, Indian Jurisdiction was not partial to male superiority and his supposed holy man status. (holy man my foot) he than went on to explain that we were very much mistaken,that the little scoundrel had a grudge on him since forever, the water was available when ever he wanted but he just didn't come when the water came in the morning. it was not his fault that the local society president had decided to put in palms and keep watering them,when i told him that the amount of water he was giving the palms will probably kill them in about a week. he went in to a fit of rage and  some pretty nasty curses came out of that foul mouth for that old gent,whilst my dramatically inclined mouth hung open for a few moments after hearing some words that I never tolerate being even whispered around me.what a nasty person, there he was,firing away, standing inside the temple, the holiest place as far as Hindus are concerned ,and he was a hindu last time i checked. (it is similar to a reverend bellowing curses on the pulpit really). ugghh... 


there is no use talking to a person without shame or manners, he deserved no reply other than the ultimatum that we were bringing the society committee president with us the next day.yes, so that's the course of action, we'll also be submitting a written note, rudeness has no place in a civil society. our little "talk" was witnessed by many and supported too. so water it WILL be for the plants. nothing less.


i hate people that stare, i do not mean the appreciative looks,cast at me at regular, respectful intervals when they think that i am not looking,i would look at a person if they looked good, i would look at a puppy if it looked good. that's not the point.the stares that i am referring to are the ones that make you feel naked,the eyes are obscene, they seem to devour you like hungry wolves ,and those are the stares that i am talking about. they do not seem to notice that you are a person,they see only a body, and those stares make me angry, incidentally, those stares  usually come from the most coward men. so,when you confront them asking what the hell is he looking at, they run away like little scared rabbits,only that they aren't cute. you do get the urge to go after and get your hands on them,you feel the stinging slap on your palm which you'd like to bestow, but most of the time, when my temper is in check and i am in a hurry to work or college, i  pretend not to notice or hear the things going on between the male onlookers. ladies, usually do not make a nuisance out of them selves for handsome men though. 


saw a video yesterday,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_uRIMUBnvw&feature=share 

 while i do not say that majority of men are not tolerably good. i commuted to work for 3 months and was asked twice for my phone number, the first incidence is well know, but the second one, on the last day of work, was more subtler and less outrageous. the ticket clerk at BRTS who gave me my bus ticket every morning , with a cheerful good morning, was dismayed when i told him it was the last day and i will not be coming afterwards. leaving the counter he walked to the bus with me, much to my unease, i had really thought that he was just being friendly when  i replied his greeting. i suppose there is not much spread of the concept of "friendship only" between a woman and a man. he asked if I'd come to see him, (of course,if something took me along the path of this bus service again) , and then he said there were some things that he must tell me, (oh no, not that now ) and asked for my number, while i saw no need to give him that. i wasn't interested, period. giving it would only raise his unfounded hopes. but his face, oh that saddened face stayed with me the whole day, i felt like a heartless wretch, and resolved to not bestow my smiles on any one from now on, being mistaken as a cold specimen is better than being taken as a wilful heart breaker. i derive no pleasure from the suffering of my fallow men, suffering of any kind, and abhor being made the cause of it. 

well, a chat with mom cheered me up, well, as a woman of the world, she knows more than i do. she was like "my dear girl, it is not your fault that they expect more from you than you are willing to give, it is theirs." and "appearing cold never harmed any one" so i am going to keep my nose in the air, unless they are being particularly charming, they won't be noticed. there :P i'll just become Mr Darcy, the female one.


summer is here, i've started putting out water and food for birds since February, just a friendly reminder. 


i am about to finish Ruskin Bond's "a face in the dark and other Hauntings" it is more absurdly pleasant than scary. watched "Julie and Julia" i liked it . my office is over, and i need to justify declining to work in the vacation when my nice boss asked me to stay on.working was an educational and amazing experience.  i mean to be working hard in the coming days. on creative things in general. wish me luck.



my brother's exams start this 7th, my dear little cousin is coming on a fleeting visit this evening and i am excited about that. i have to get the grains out to make flour , and i will probably be somewhere in the Himalayas next 15th.... and adventure camp and national tai kwon do championship - my brother's team, they are taking me with them :D and i get to take the camera with me too. (i flatly refuse going any where breathtaking without it, it would torture me to death,well not really) i hope i can do all the rock climbing and river crossing stuff as well as photography, i have no fears as far as tough hiking /climbing goes though. i just hope that my knee will be healed by then.  

spring here is perfectly delightful and lovely 

but with it comes the neem Juice , a glass every morning for 9 days. it is the most bitterest thing in the world, may be... but good for you. so i go for it . .. ughh
that's all folks, i would really love your feedback, either on here, or in privet, love hearing from you.


will talk again soon
lots of love

oh can't be bothered.

hello to every one who know what i am doing and also to those who have no clue, because, today, i am writing for my self, rather than writing for the sole benefit of my friends who i always dare hope wish to read this blog.

i am leaving for Mumbai to attend Bryan's concert in about 2 hours and 15 minutes, i.e- not much time left to write in. where is the excitement? i am trying to ferret it out from any part of my being, but i am finding only weariness. but i am sure i will be all gaga about it the moment i step in to the bus which will take me to the big,scary,crowded city which i usually abhor. i can feel it in my bones, almost ready to jump out, but not yet, just not yet still.
it has been a dream of mine, indeed, i have been dreaming of attending his concert, seeing him in real since i was 12 or 13. right now, gazing in to the green sparkling depths of those big glass beads in front of me, i am remembering that girl, how really excited SHE would have been at even the prospect of it. let us wonder and see, if that girl is still alive in me. 21 is a conflicting age, really. the age when the real struggles of life take shape. some days i was so tired when came back home, i though, what is the point in going all the way to Mumbai to see something that i could very well see on TV. but, if i bowed out of my first opportunity of a dream coming true, what hope would be there for my longer time and unexplainable important dreams? and , truly, i am glad, GLAD that i am going.

commuting every day in India, when you are a lady, is not easy. not to mention those stares and those insulting gestures that everyone gets their fair share of every day, and the small accidents here and there rewarding you one new injury every day.you wake up, clean the house, help with cooking , get ready and run to the bus stop, await the transport, and there are simply TOO MANY people here, one either has to be squeezed in a seat for 3 with 5 people, or go in the bus standing, while waiting for the bus does mean that you will be late for work. the BRTS city buses in Ahmedabad are heavenly comparatively (i got in to an air conditioned one today , wonder of wonders) which i take after i get down from the transport from Gandhinagar to Ahmedabad , then i walk almost 2 killometers and work crazily the whole day, get another , to be squeezed in Rickshaw, and then await either the bus or another squeezer. than walk home from the bus stand ,another 2 km, then cook again- i am already ready for bed. i am so thankful that mom is always there to take over when i fall, don't know what i would do without her.

the bus i missed today by seconds had a terrible accident on the way with a truck, killing several people. i am sorry for them. i am also feeling a bit down,which is quite explainable. now i shall be attaching some passages that i have managed to write either in office, or some time at home, they are not systematically connected , but still, if you know what i have been about these past few days,  you can relate to them.
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I started my office training this month with a little apprehension in my heart, the first day was comparatively a success and it was all easy flow till today. On my second day I found out a pleasant small road – shielded from the main road by beautiful residential buildings and bungalows, which , incidentally are very prettily designed too. The walk is about of 2 km but it does my heart good to have such a beautiful road to walk on every morning, that is the main survival factor for me in this big city. There are many semi stray dogs there, half adopted by the residents of that area, they are fed regularly but not really allowed in the house. And what’s the bigger attraction, the puppies, they are in abundance there. Those cute little fur balls tote behind my feet as I play along with them while walking.

All the houses have peripheral gardens ,trees from there overhand most part of the road , and when one walks underneath them , the squirrels put up a chorus of chirping, some protesting , some curios and, it is to be hoped – some welcoming. There is this one particular house, it is indeed very lavish- there are at least 3 imported, high priced cars parked always inside there, while, because of my lack of an extended knowledge about cars, I can not identify them without reading their names on the back. But there is an old , green and Gray ,Chevrolet  model which is put out side the compound wall – it’s all rusted and a few glasses are broken, while I am sure it must have been a handsome and sleek thing when it was not thus neglected, it is still beautiful in it’s rusted up glory, more so because a graceful , white, cream and yellow cat lives in it. She sometimes sits on the back bonnet and licks herself. It’s a very lovely picture in the fresh light of the morning , That when ever I encounter her, I regret that I can not take the camera with me. ( well who knows , I just might keep a camera with me always when I do get one of my own because life has a lot to offer)

My new year, so far, has been filled with new experiences, tomorrow Is Uttarayan and my uncle and his family are coming over, it’s bound to be fun.

The international summit is going on in Gandhinagar , and because of that, all the public transport was not working on the 12^th. So I had to take a day off.

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 26th January 2011
the prices of Onions and Vegetables have come down~ YEY. am not happy about that. at last, for a while it had seemed as if the price dragon will swallow the food from the poorer population's plater and things would get really dire. so, i am all hopeful for the local prices to come down from 50 per Kg to 5 soon.

on the other note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear father. so... what happened? mom gave him a beautiful Sendal perfume, which we bought from the Gandhi Smriti store a while back, (made the Indian way, the perfume lasts EVER so long, and you only have to put one drop - if you spray it, it will drive you nuts and last for weeks- that's how Indian perfumes work - i am determined to go back to the local ones, made in the old traditional way- more so because they come in such delightful fragrances such as-the smell of soil after the first rain- for instance. as well as all the other scent imaginable )

sooo... about my recent trip to Jodhpur , it was an unplanned event, not an unusual occurrence where my family is concerned. my brother was all ready for school, in his uniform, we all decided to go together to leave him there, mid way to school, in the car, i pipe in "now, isn't this good, aren't we all together on a trip" - my mental condition at the time being of rather deep sense of sorrow because i thought we weren't going any where in the 3 day weekend.and suddenly father said - do you really wish to ? rekindling hope in my breast - i went for it and there- it landed us in the amazing blue city. now i have been to all the coloured cities in Rajasthan- Jodhpur- the blue one, Jaisalmair - the golden city(the BEST ) and Jaipur - the pink city (i was too small then, i don't remember much)

the fort of Maherangardh -in Jodhpur is the best preserved and the most beautiful fort in Rajasthan . the glass rooms do actually explain why...indeed, i had the best time there.

i had to stop from here
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I have decided to write , as well as work In the office. Or I can not survive these 4 months. I really do not know how successful this attempt might be, but I really do want to try. I can at least keep up with my correspondence/ blog. While creative writing, in it’s purest creating form is not possible here.

So what has been happening?

Uttarayan,a lot of fun and cousins coming over, that’s what. 

some observations in the work place and my suggestions , give in the privacy of my mind

Don’t be window shy, = give LOTS of windows, particularly in our climate, a house NEEDS a plinth, it can not start just like that. It was our first lesson in our building design class on our first day of college, one CAN NOT give a lift without a lift well, there should be walls surrounding it on three sides, and if there is a toiled besides your lift, you HAVE to put a wall between the steel of your lift, and the toilet, it so can not end in the lift. Rendering is not as important as the basic design, if I showed the glass a darker shade of blue instead of aquamarine , it is not SOMETHING so great as the attract attention. While forgetting the partition wall is. If I am designing for someone who would probably be building his house only ones in his life, I would do it nicely, putting comfort first and appearance second.  And I would make the stairs LAVISH. Because that’s place where most of the household accidents happen, and I would rather not have that. I would not increase the height of the riser, and decrease the width of the tread just because I want my stairs to be compact, and a certain shape only, no one would mind it very much if they become a bit uncomfortable, :P :P  and toilets , ah, the heaven sent little cubicle which we could reduce at whim, it can be tucked away at the most unwanted corner and I really wouldn’t wish to imagine how a person is to use it if it’s so bloody uncomfortable.

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 i am reading a book called father Brown, it is coming along slowly, i wish to add a last thank you note to all those people that do endure me, and my tantrums and my anger, for i am sometimes. people that are kind to me when i need them to be kind and not angry in return, thank you to my little brother, who is sometimes amazingly mature, to my mother, for being her - always helping, for my father, for letting me do as i wish most of the times. and for my friends, the few that i have, for always being a great support ,even unknowingly.

HERE I COME BRYAN!