This and tad of that.

"The only way to stay alive forever is to create , to make your mark, and to ensure that the humankind doesn't blow up the whole damn world."

Why do I so love words?

I have started teaching Hindi to a another creative lady and it has brought me face to face with the innate love that I harbour for that - and other - languages. She calls me an amazing tutor , and an amazing person altogether after she had grilled me over two weeks about what I can actually do 1 - yeah yeah , Leo pride stroked and all that. BUT  - the point being, I feel so dazzlingly amazing just for having that one hour every week.The other realisation , I never knew I could teach a language. Hallelujah!

1 - That I work and study. I know yoga, That I sing, do photography, editing, read, write , do traditional embroidery, languages, art , healing and gardening , sew and design, cook and clean and still have time to be alive.

The other day,I was asked to advise on India and the approach people should have while travelling to that place of mad, frantic , overwhelming amazing-ness.

"Just go without any pre conceptions, you will be delighted. You will be rewarded well. Be open to adventures and being street smart, you will need it. Always haggle, it is your birth right. Eat street food, at least all the cooked stuff, otherwise you will be committing a moral crime on the ethics of original travelling."

I need more people to get that - that sentence above - in all its glory.
If you are planning to traverse through India on the power of sloppy high end hotel foods and packed water , you will never actually get to the entirety of it.

I am not sure where I was going with this, in an old draft, but anyhow- "I am just sitting here,thinking, how fast the time goes by? And yet how slow ?how things seem to revolve around the universe unhindered and yet it's not possible,is it? but technically it is, as the earth revolves around the sun and the whole solar system revolves around the centre of our galaxy the milky way, and that too supposedly is following the other galaxies in the race away from the centre of the universe, or at least "THIS" Universe."

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Oh all this swearing and the murder of language~ I can not bear it, nor can I do anything about it.

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I went for a walk the other day and I wrote this for my brother and my dear Mr. M.

"The dusk has come. The stars are popping out unexpectedly, there is a scent of jasmine in the cool night wind. A dark tree branch is jutting out in a forked glory of shadows and light, next to an inky blue and velvety purple richness of the sky.  There is still a hint of scarlet there!
In the middle of the main fork, lurks the resplendent moon, shining through, straight in my eyes.

My heart is light , and so is my soul. I am gloriously alive! I wish you were here creating prose - or hindering me from it - my lovely bit of starlight."

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 When you can't stick two sticks together with glue, try tying or weaving them together. It will work.
(?) there seems to be some hidden wisdom there.
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The more I study architecture, the more convinced I am that people should take back the controls on and of how their homes, their spaces , should look, feel and breath. The individuality must come back.
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How delightful is the fact that there will always be a first time for something, that we will never run out of things that are new!
( :D ) yes!
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Frustrations! -

"Why is it so that when I haven't even thought of getting on a bus and I pass a bus stop, two buses come and go at a leisurely pace - this happens when I have already firmly decided that I shall walk.
Incidentally, when I badly want a bus, am running late and am also literally running , there never is a bus ? Or worse, it starts just a second before I reach it? "

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That time of a summer's day when the sun keeps reflecting off of everything and hitting your eyes. Glass, steel, mirrors, water and leaves. You close your eyes and it seems time has stopped in a whiff of Indian summer, with the bees buzzing and the orange behind your eye lids covering your whole existence.

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One should always wave back to the children waving at one, no matter where you are, it is common courtesy.
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Australia and its sparkling trees!

Only art is eternal.

If I don't write about it, I haven't lived it.
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This world , where everyday is magic. Those who do not accept it and are not smiling as much as they can, are wasting the existence.

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"Evett was the smartest of them all, she went to Turkey for a holiday and met her boy friend. They got married and have 2 children. She teaches in a school there, and is 42 now. I have to get them all presents now and post them in a big box. Where shall I get the box from do you know?"

Evett's mother who was 95, met me at work in the shopping centre in Belmont.
Ah - stories.
And no , I didn't really know.
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Some old gentleman came up to me and said, excuse me ( I was reading on my kindle) - I looked up,
"You are a great asset to the county!"

So I managed to look sheepish. My shift had just started and I only wanted to finish that last page of that chapter. I smiled in a bewildered manner and put it away.

"No! I mean you are very pretty!" And proceeded to pat my shoulder in a reassuring way.


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Once a guy asked me, “What happened to your face?”

I looked at him and decided, that no, this would never do.

Nothing happened to my face, apart from me owning my spots, or stripes or whatever form my own unique markings decide to take. Much like the big majestic cats of the world, why should I not be gracefully adorned?

Never be sorry or ashamed of yourself, is what I have learned. The more in love with yourself you are, the more the world will love you for being you. Gracefully, be proud, not self centred or snoby, only proud.

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This is what an assessment of my personality had to say.

"Independent and Brash, Jane Austen's PRIDE AND PREJUDICE could have been written about your life! Your intelligence and stubborn nature has brought you to where you stand today, and to say you surprise others on a daily basis would be an understatement. In your mind, nothing is impossible - And if anyone chooses to stand in your way they simply become another obstacle. You believe you were meant to do great things, regardless of race, sex, or religion - and nothing of the sort will ever stand in your way."

The resplendent magic of our land and other things.

I sometimes wish that the time would stop still in its tracks, quite frozen, like a glass shadow...many would wish so I presume.but not really. but oh yes! oh so achingly yes please!
(above - some random things that I agree with and don't buy monsato!)
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What we are familiar with is patriotism. I read something similar in an expert from A.Macall Smith’s book, one of many. I have to agree with it to some degree, though of course there is more to it, much more to it indeed, but still- being familiar with a land makes us feel at home there.

So, when I left Australia for a visit back home, I said a proper “bye until I see you again”. I went for a walk and said bye to my little red room. I will quite miss the freedom there.

The orchids were blooming when I left so I left them on the dining table for Neil to enjoy, while my friend insisted on dropping me off to the Airport.

I like airports; they are so full of different people and have the advantages of comfort, safety and cleanliness over the long distance buses and trains. Though one must admit that those two have very different charms indeed. You can see more and experience more in them, and you get to eat much better food.

I am sitting in the airport right now, trying to while away the indeterminately long time before my flight starts boarding and when I can finally commence the last leg of my journey. I MISS home, so much more now that I am much nearer. I am quite sleepy too. Its al such a jumble of excitedness ! My aunt and granny don’t know that I am coming, and neither does anyone else, I keep thinking about the surprise that they will get and keep feeling amazing about that moment!! I keep thinking of that moment when I will run out of the airport at Ahmedabad and canon ball in to my family!! That will be something worth recording indeed! :D

And yes, I am looking forward to the food and travelling – India in general. Also , the distribution of unexpectedly varied presents – that will be such fun.
I am landing on the night of my grandmother’s birthday. She will be so pleasantly (shocked) surprised!

I will be spending my birthday with my loved ones this time, how wonderful that feels just thinking about it! Last birthday was hard and lonely, and I cannot spend two birthdays all alone like that. I must be indulgent sometime ;)

The Changi Airport is amazing; with those indoor gardens and enchanted spaces with overhanging orchids and waterfalls- just the carpet selection is dreadful, very puke like colours all. Just my opinion.

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It has arrived. The Indian monsoon has, and nothing is quite as magical as those rainy days when every leaf is washed and ready for observation. The different hues of green displayed at their prime, glistening and fresh, shot through with tints of oranges, yellows and reds. What better offering can there be to that universal strain of magic that flows through us all and binds us together. Each life and experience.

Everything is simply bursting with life, life will push through, it will find a way - a nook or a cranny to crawl  through. All the seeds that you thought you lost are sprouting out somewhere proudly in this rich earth of dark loam. The first cotyledons - aren't they just so symbolic? They represent life to me. They are like a babe starting to stand erect on it's wobbly feet. This earth is very friendly when it comes to starting a new life. I have observed that what takes about 10 to 15 days to sprout in the sandy soil of Perth, takes only 2 days here.

I meant to write more faithfully, but when do I not?
The pleasures of homecoming were plenty and varied, quite overwhelming in a way that I constantly felt pressed for time - I needed to do SO MUCH with everyone.

My brother, my companion, my little baby, my very best friend. We literally lived off of each other in those two months. It was a delight, there is nothing like physically being near those who you love and those who love you. We became twelve again, full of mischief ,laughter and the need to explore and do it together too! We went on tramps in semi flooded fields, crossed ditches, skidded over mud.We found insects, crossed decrepit bridges over ravines, took photos. We shared the same plate at lunch times and fed each other, read to each other and slept together discussing stories, science and the stray dogs outside. We took up major projects, we fought and argued, though we took care to forgive /make amends swiftly and not waste a lot of time in that as we were on numbered days together ( think! it is so all the time with everyone! treasure it!)  Our parents have really despaired of our ever growing up ;)


I never got around to finishing this blog post - the sheer amount of information and feeling involved overwhelmed me and the little time that I have for my own pursuits.

What this video and be witness to only the 1% of it all
:)
  http://youtu.be/4W2PeCkCJqU

Kangas, Koalas and some hidden Dingoes.

"I think you will make a powerful being one day."
someone told me that here - someone I didn't even know. someone pretty random - the kind you pass on the street or meet in the bus.
and touched my heart.
I still don't know who that was, but it was a male, around 19 ish? it is absolutely weird, in a way, to get something like that in such a random fashion from someone younger than me. if it had been someone older, I wouldn't have been so astonished.

anyhow, I am the perpetrator of magic.
of practical magic.
I love it.
I love it that I live in the era where I can say it and feel safe.
atleast in my immediate world.
and as with magic (and good science), rules don't always apply, because different rules do.

that series of photos was taken last year on Holi. the victim here is my brother's (currently in misery of separation by situation) best friend. (Gosh- anyway). I am posting it now because I missed celebrating Holi for the first time since I started walking.
it is sad.

this morning, I awoke, I had a wedding to shoot, I have to say that I encounter quite a few exciting things here ,and a bit frighting ones too. but as they say, courage is not an absence of fear, it is the phase where you understand that you are afraid, and make a resolve to meet the fear head on, with some logic and sense.

I do so many things here, and I get to meet so many different people. this also means,I have to trust in the basic good nature of human beings, too. I have to put absolute faith in my intuition and capacity. I have to do new things and feel at home even when I am constantly out of my comfort zone.I have learnt new heights of control and a part of my personality has flourished which hadn't been that developed before. anyhow, I was going today to a place which I didn't know, in the company of people I didn't know, and in such times, there is always that little niggling worry in your head.

I am so glad that the universe has made sure that there are more good people in this world than bad.always. thank you.

The night had been rainy, the new day dawned fresh and hazy green. the sun sparkled. the fog shifted on the  tops of the hills and made mysterious patterns and shadows. I felt at home. I was with my kin, heading towards the wilderness. nothing calms me more.  the little distant cousins of the Himalayas , as related as an Ant is to an Elephant, so related obviously - and very complexly - the Hills called to me warmly.

so I took this photo.
Just to assure you, that I only say what I really see, and that there is really magic around us, if only we will look for it.
this is not photoshoped and the world really sparkles :)

my soul hummed - I was charging up. like a solar battery, but please, a bit more poetically. So long had I longed to get out, so long.. I have so dedicated myself to this new life, to making it work, to being an enterprising entrepreneur, but I have not forgotten the truest of calls. dreams, they are compelling things, and so they should be - though sometimes we yearn for the simplest of things that are denied us.

Himalayas - when did you become simple?

but anyway. I am glad I was shooting this wedding near Serpentine falls - I should LOVE to visit those, but I need a car, and company that wouldn't spoil the earthiness of the trip.

the Bodhinayana Buddhist monastery was beautiful.

so, what happened? I was trying to get a girl friend from my university to accompany me there, but she couldn't because of it being a Sunday today and there being no buses towards me. I wanted her to come so that I may walk around when everyone was otherwise engaged (eating/ not needing me), so we may explore the forest, so that I may visit a lake there,and so that she may take my photos and I may take hers, but she couldn't come. but, never fear, said providence, and I am grateful. I like people and people like me, and an Irish guest from the Bridal party took it up to himself to be my escort and friend (yes,yes I know - careful with men , I know, but my gut tells me, you know- and we were in a monastery not an actual forest, there were people -somewhere) - and thus I got some photos of me too! :)


because, you know what happened?
someone kissed me.
and I got it on a photo.
A kanga kissed me. :)
animals love to kiss me - apparently.
And I like it too.
I only don't like it when they kiss me on my lips. mostly when its a python, cause it just feels weird.
( university eco fest - loved it - pythons, a Dingo, a sleepy Koala that I poked to awaken, (at least tried) , and a Wedge Tailed Eagle)

will you wake up and look at me please? you are so cute.

so,there was a Kanga, and there was me.

it literally kissed my fingers.

new things learnt, when Kangas make a sort of growling noise inside, like dogs but a bit lower key, get away. their eyes glitter differently then.
they can scratch your eyes out.
they bite.(and punch but knew that already)
and they love the right people.

so today, was, delight. FULL.
absolutely delightful.

I love this.
I love Africa.
I love India.
and there is so much to love , how can you not be skipping all the time.


I did get good pictures of the wedding , and...what ..does. . it .. compare..

ofcourse to them it does!
they must feel like that they have touched a snow leopard or a narwhal.
I'd love to do that.
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talking of Monks - the monks in the Himalayan Monasteries that I sent letters with their pictures to, have apparently replied  - must have taken them ages to get to us,from those absolutely cut off little villages- I can not wait to read it, I do love making friends everywhere. even though we might never meet again - they have the photos - and there, those things matter. they matter for years and for generations , and so they should, to us too, us fast paced people who sometimes miss out on how important friendship is. that is why after an extended trip somewhere, I take the time out to write to people I only met once, and send them their pictures. because it matters. it touches the core of their souls. what more can one ever do?

I agree with this article , that Friendship is a much nobler and just AS important a relationship as romantic love, if not more so.

a good read - http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/04/23/love-undetectable-andrew-sullivan-friendship/
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I also went to a multicultural dinner, a few weeks back - it had a lot of noise, and dancing, it felt like India, as if many people of different states we present - just only from more farther regions, Europe,Africa, Asia, south America. it was delightful again. I went with a friend.
He is delightful too.

and I wore my sari.

ok, so I have sufficiently monopolised my own blog post. now to feed the cat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xARnNtPVINs&feature=youtu.be -dancing.


O, tonight I am content . I've been to the hills and some part of me has come alive again. I did go to King's park and the bush walk with my friend, but the hills are the hills and a short directed walk can not compare, but it was a chunk of time saved in a little glass jar of time, set apart from the mediocre things, something magical, something that laughs and keeps you warm.

Now ,I yearn for the big cats.

that reminds me, my brother sent me a photo of a hurt lioness they followed this month to help sedate her for healing.

it is a bit bleary but you can still clearly see the wound.

I want that hair raising feeling,  of being absolutely at the mercy of fate. of the awe at the real and raw power - those moonlit and moonless night walks tracking an animal on foot. something out of an adventure novel, have I really done that? sometime I ask myself, and realise, quite wonderingly, that yes, indeed I have.
how very blessed do I feel.

and then, no wonder everything here feels so tame.
so very tame.

and the city and the shops can not keep up.neither can jewellery.

my passion for travelling and experiencing is the driving force behind my working hard -really. as my fundamental dream is travelling , and seeing amazing places and going to inaccessible place - and seeing rare wildlife , it all requires money. SO I work.

So, Africa, I come to you soon.
Hopefully.
not too long now.

talking of inaccessible places , India has them all tucked away, here ,there and all around the edges.
I do so love those.
Chopta, the village high up in the soaring heights of the Hilamalayas, summer village of about 6 buildings. Dead in Winter. where your window glass may be covered in icicles even in Summer.there is no electricity here, apart from fire light, and maybe a single solar lantern , nothing else. A place I left a chunk of my heart in , frozen solid - to stay there in the permafrost. with those big brown Himalayan bears that we walked almost back to back with, and big ravens squawking in the hollows of frozen rock, high ,high up in to the fog, above the clouds.

an image of my Dad walking there ,in memory of last November (my first time of Missing a Himalayan trip )
(this was taken on our first trip there two years back)

oh Australia, can you make me awestruck, I am sure you can.
so that I may shut up about the other glorious places and say something more about you too.
but I love Kangas
and that's that! :D

interesting thing for this blog which is not by me - http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/04/24/happy-birthday-hubble/
the red ribbon is like something out of "Alice in wonderland" , new spots on Jupiter look like a painting by Van Gogh, the space is like a fairy tale with gigantic sparkling forests with hidden beasts and little (and BIG ) bits of stray magic floating around to hit whatever it may choose and change it's nature. it's a place of births and deaths - explorations and ideas - where petulant stars protest their newly formed state.
How - can - you - humans - feel - not - awed - every -living- breathing - moment - of - your - life.


ohh... and...

I am proud to have taken these.

He has the most intense blue eyes!

city bride :)

good night!

living your dreams and so forth

we inspire the responses that we expect and the mannerism we extrude.

just recently, I realised that I was living my dream, that I had dreamt and envisioned something very similar to this time in my life as a teenager.it did however also include being a femme fatale -which I see no point in being anymore.
aren't we just adorable when we are teens!

 so that day, I was really really happy, for I was living a dream,I stood in a yellow circle under a blue blue sky.
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My throat is sore, I have been crying, though not too heart meltingly wretchedly (umm use two such words together?) but enough to make my throat sore. I wish it weren't so.

So, when I came here, I was terrified, of the new place, of the new ways, and mostly of living in a house with a male. I thought what is everyday now unthinkable. I thought men were not to be trusted, ever. culture conditioning. those long nights of skype discussions, and requesting a latch and lock being placed on the inside of my door, just in case. while Neil said laughingly, "you think that door would stop anyone who wanted to get in? much less me? " - he thus freaked me out even more. I couldn't sleep at night, I had bad dreams, and I couldn't keep my head out of the covers, I was an ostrich , in hiding. when I would awaken and get up,and would have to go out of my room, I would literally be shaking, with my teeth chattering and my hand not still. ready to dash back to my room lest he came out of his room. the pure tangible fear might sound laughable, but I could taste it on my tongue, for a long time.( I didn't fear them as much as distrust, loath and resent them (Indian men). I was an angry soldier there, defiant of the norms, and had to fight my way through things daily. I saw things,and heard things, there was real reason for this fear) again, not every Man in India is a violent abuser, but it is the streets that are sometimes unfriendly to such an extent that you turn paranoid. even though I think I have always found male company rather interesting - and have had a really good childhood with dear cousins - I have never mixed too much with men outside, (but in general,I find it hard to find people of the same wave length). they were either friends of parents/ elders/ young ones/ people from work/ study. unknown men were always something to be wary of. this again does not mean that I think all male population bad, indeed I wasn't a cowering baggage ever,  but always a well rounded human being. it was just the circumstance that bothered me much here, and no one else but myself knew about it. Neil went as far as to say in so many words that he should have felt unsafe if he were to just go overseas and start living in some stranger's house, that he found it really brave and slightly weird the day I "danced in like a princess and started putting my herbs and spices in the pantry,making it my own" his very words.

I was unsure inside though, about how to talk with good men, about what the limits were,what was acceptable. my first week or two here I tried to be exclusively friends with Lara only as that was comfortable, this has a lot to do with my inexperience. though ofcourse the girl has other friends of her age and has not much use of a 24 year old. (though Now she dances around me telling me about her day and hides behind my gentle words when Neil makes her cry for her Math)  I was terrified. at each step I remembered what men could be like, what they made me feel back home, and what it meant to place yourself in a lonely situation with one. I was overly worldly , wary ,defensive and angry. Just the simply survival toning really, but with time I loosened up. I found that the male species here was much less violently offensive. still rowdy and offensive yes, but unless you especially put yourself under nasty circumstances, you should be alright.

I felt safe after a while, I got my bearings, I am extremely adaptable and resilient if anything. I have met gentlemen - they are more in numbers certainly, here staring at woman is socially unacceptable and I have gloried and bloomed in the freedom and I have found out that I can talk with those big tall hulking half of our species that they call men, open up my wit and enjoy it too- that in doing so, I am still me, not changed in the least - just one who has wings and can unfurl them without fear of being torn apart.(again,doesn't mean I didn't do the same back home, all it means that it is much more easier here -remember I was the blooming, different, hard headed girl there too? and for only that single problem it doesn't make India bad, it only teaches one to be hard/smart)

Neil said when I open my door in the morning, it sounds like a jail door being unbarred. tonight he asked me if I had checked the locks twice. he is not home, I am alone as Lara is at her mother's. when I texted him he said he will try and comeback, but he was drunk (blast and curse you alcohol) so I said it is ok , that I am fine. so I am writing.

yes I have checked the front and the back door, I have taken the cat in too, just in case, and my own door is locked again. I got manhandled today, after an age of feeling safe here, not that that is something new or even shocking, those things don't shock me - they disturb me,yes. make me feel sick, yes. but not shock me. I have experience. no it is not something one would boast of.ever.

so he lives in the back with his girlfriend, people we'd all grown to trust. I go out to take my cloths off the line, he is smoking there, we chat about the rabbit and the cat and his job, he says he hasn't spoken with anyone today- kept talking and talking and then insisted on a short walk , and I didn't want to offend so I said yes, but only 10 minutes.he is someone I am used to having around the house,remember? ( sign one of having let my guard down - I would have NEVER done this back home - if I didn't want to go,I'd have refused. Never again,someone being offended is not my problem) went, came back, talked of the Alps, where he is from, his girlfriend and Australia, almost back - I am happy to be back - he asks me what kind of men I like, so I reply honestly, Intelligent, kind, someone who has some solid direction in life, ambitious and who doesn;t drink /smoke, and he kept ticking off what he is and isn't - I am feeling really annoyed and incredulous by now - and he says, "how about just some fun?" it takes a few moments for the meaning to sink in, and I continue going back - while informing him that I don't have time or energy for such things, and he has his gf. (sick to the core,thank you very much)- eh no, he says, I am not with her - what if he assured me he wasn't with her? (doubly sick to the core ,thank you again) it will just take 10 minutes - because you are so busy Diva I can make it short. I didn't know what to do, his eyes were blood shot, and a possibility dawned on me that he maybe high on some substance -it just didn't feel safe about getting angry either- it felt that the situation called for subtle withdrawal rather than frontal offence- you know I am good at telling. I know I can tell.I said no. I only wanted to go back in, I was hungry and tired, I wanted to make dinner. he said he understands and he likes that I am different but not too much - I honestly can't care less about what he thinks of me - he wouldn't let me go and then he picked me up and tried to throw me in to the pool, twice. I held on to the corner of a wall, my nails digging and scraping and kept shouting "no" until he put me back down.if I got in to the pool,there would be no saving myself. so my back is pulled because I was twisting ,and all those things.

it's good that I didn't get offensive. he could overpower me any time he chose to. atleast he put me back down.this in the only place that I have here which I can call home. I simply shut the door quickly behind me as I managed to get out of his rough ,dragging grasp the second time. I went and sat on the sofa and for a short while congratulated myself for a safe escape, then I started feeling dirty again, haven't felt that kind of dirty for a while now. then my chant started , " I hate men" - again, unreasonable and untrue, but needed at that time.( I love men, I love gentlemen) - and I started shivering ,my mind's eye hovering above my head,looking at that self pitying bundle, telling me to stop it,so I texted Neil, and then I started crying. not because it was shocking,not even because of the physical pain but because I was lonely. I had no one to hug it better. no brother to declare war on any one who dared touch me, no mother's lap to put my head on and weep and no father in who's presence, I would feel like a warrior, bruised but undefeated. I would have sat cross legged on the marble in the living room,and would have told those three all, and had my therapy there and then.

 I have always got out of troubles of these kind on my own,(because they happen when you are alone.) be it a ride in a rickshaw at night with a perverse driver, holding a  blade at the back of his neck the whole time  or going half out of my mind with fright as the only sensible female on a hostile Muslim populated area ,with the men on the street shouting things at us and pulling at our clothing,as I dragged my insensible female friend away from there-(she'd frozen ) - there really is no less or more fright. it is all the same. tonight when I was smilingly wriggling my way out, my usual tactics of bravery would not have worked, there are no people here- see, and I had not foreseen the actual hight of the risk, I trusted too much in the west. I trusted too much in that false sense of security. I had become slightly blind, slightly unwary. I know deep inside that had I actually struggled or hit him as I'd wanted to, I would not have been able to get out tolerably unscathed.

Neil has promised he will have a man talk with him tomorrow, and he won't be polite.he will have to move or start behaving.

so this is to you, Diva. to having a healthy wariness in the land of apparent order and freedom. to jolting awake when you hear some sound outside again. to keep listing to your gut even at the risk of offending whosoever.so if the guy who has been practically living in the same household as you for the last 9 months asks you for a walk to the park just at the end of the street at 6.30 again,and your gut says no, you don't do it! (more miffed at my self for ignoring that instinct - and I always advocate it most strongly)

I will be fine and I won't be sad long.I am aware that I probably put myself in that stupid position where I had no business putting myself- and that though the incident feels big right now , it was just that,an incident of my having to deal with one of those 5% of nasty men of the world, upon who's conduct I do not judge the whole beautiful population. I only vent for I must, and this is my venting place.

update - Sunday afternoon.

I have devoured beauty today.
I have grown drunk on words.
I have eaten art.
I thrived on music and dance.
and thus, we maybe healed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euC7GULsOo0
 http://thoughtcatalog.com/jenny-olson/2014/01/ten-pablo-neruda-quotes-that-prove-love-is-perfect-but-so-difficult/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9T2WFwT-_k&feature=share
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmj3iU36Mmw
http://www.viviennemcmasterphotography.com/2013/01/23/why-take-self-portraits-of-your-feet/

wild woman of the east.

I went on a walk when the sun had disappeared beneath the horizon, painting the distant sky the colour of a blood orange.the stars were twinkling and there was the smell of those curious pink,yellow and white firangipani wafting in the air, it is quite pleasant. as I walk up the road from my street, I see the dazzling display of the hills,looking quite like a new Indian bride, decked out in all her golden finery, or like a city of fire flies, for the lights are absolutely inspiring, it moved one to poetry (or pros).
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On the 2nd of March, I woke up early to conduct the meditation classes (yeah, I have hidden depths), helped Neil who had been groaning about his cold with his laundry and by the time I was finished with my own laundry and Ironing,and later lunch and dishes, I was pretty much ready for a nap, (I still haven't really started my homework) but then I went for grocery shopping as I was getting to go in  the car with Neil, and when we came back, I was again, rather eager for that siesta.  I went to sleep around 4 ,meaning to wake up in half an hour,but I found my eyes opening at 6.30 pm. I was groggy and displeased, as such long naps are bound to make you in summers, I went to the front garden and set watching the clouds. then, out of no where, that feeling that takes hold of your insides happened, when you see all around you the beauty of nature and you remember that the last time you experience it like this, meaning, after a long afternoon sleep with the same feelings budding inside you, you weren't so lonely. last time I was at home, looking out of my window towards my tall beautiful trees and listening to the whistle of the pressure cooker dimmed in to the background by insistent chirping of the squirrels and the evening birds. I wasn't alone, then, but now I was.
such a plain hard fact.
this proves that there are many ways of perceiving things, and you see and experience things again and again, in different physical and mental frames.

this is so true. I want to be Home,But I want to explore.I am happy on my own but I am unhappy without them.oh!

I shed a few tears and then took photos of those rolling clouds.

well, anyhow, the next morning, today, is the day of the Oscars.  I didn't set the alarm as  I was sure I will wake up within good time to watch it by intuition, and I did. I let the cat out, and went out to feed the chicken and the fishes, and what do I see? the back garden was strewn with twigs and big branches off the Eucalyptus trees three blocks away! How could I have slept through that? it seems it has rained a little bit too,and now it is pleasant under a cool blue sky with white rolling clouds. the sun peeks out once in a while. I like today.

I dreamt of a visit of a friend this morning, no matter how unlikely it sounds, I was here,and so was my brother, well I am assuming he had been here a while before my friend arrived because I didn't go running to my brother as he opened the door and told me "I have a surprise for you ,come out have a look" and there was my friend! I went running straight in to waiting arms! how long have I waited to meet that person,I thought. though now that I think about it, my friend did look a bit too dressed up, probably because it is Oscar night and dressing codes require following hollywood standards, but it looked ridiculously funny ! :D

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8th of March 2014

went for a walk after doing some sketching for the start of studio design (complex buildings). I understand why writers love to walk, and talk ,and walk. actually, they walk and they strike a rapport with nature, their eyes noting all the minute details and their brains floating on the air, or wavy, hazy ,foggy landscapes lighted by a bright tower of light in the middle  , it is a drugged state of ecstasy.so when you next see a floaty looking individual with a dreamy smile plastered on their faces, staring at all things apart from the obvious - know they are writing in their minds, poetry and pros are sprouting out of their brains like lava and it can be seen on their faces.

I mean, there is poetry in the way a cloth covering a car floats in high wind, it is almost,but not quite, as beautiful as the skirts of a woman. there is rapture in the clouds scalded with colour of the setting sun, and ah! the unusual leaves and flowers of Australia keep me in a state of wonderment indeed. pity there is no one to show these new found (to me) treasures to, there are so many different types!

I see how walking would make you more creative. I see how countryside is the best place to reside if you are thus inclined.
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the monotonous drone of someone's voice is driving me to distraction, someone who shall remain unnamed has been sitting outside my room for the past hour, talking constantly on the phone to his beloved- and while I can not (and indeed do not want to) hear what he says but oh I always hate these drunken spurs of talking. he talks in a constant uninspired level, never rising or falling,no impassionate pitches in his voice, giving no apparent indication of either intelligence or feeling (I am being harsh here- obviously it isn't entirely true)- PLEASE GO AWAY and talk, I shall soon resort to pulling out my hair , my ears are physically protesting. how can spoken language be made so uninteresting?
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each time I pass beneath a lighted window, I picture a wooden desk, a wooden chair, and sheets of parchment on the desk, with a young adult pouring over them with a quill, or reading a book. that is the only picture that my mind conjures up each time I pass a lighted rectangle of yellow light.
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 I am a silhouette, a silhouette of a lady. now, I walk on eternally on the face of this earth while the lady might change. I shall always be the straight backed,straight shouldered, long skirted image that will accompany. head held high, feet that click crisply on the curb. skirts that twitch and will charm.
it is baffling, the timelessness of art.

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 on a site visit I and a classmate were sitting on a bench in the city, in front of the building under construction , getting out hard hats and sketch books ready, talking and awaiting the others of our class, while everyone else slowly trickled down the street,he had been the first one to arrive and had been stopped by the fund raisers,so when I passed him on the street, I said "Hey,what are you doing, come along,we are late",and thus saved him (he was telling the woman he was an impoverished student/ the common state of any architecture student).

a rather rough but colourful guy came ambling along, with a dolphin blow-up toy in his hand, and when he spotted us, walked purposefully towards us. we again feared for those few coins in our pockets, but this one was new.
he stuck the dolphin in front of my classmate's face and said, "hey,would you like to give Suzie a kiss?"
imagine us passing looks of incredulity and horror.(wasn't a particularly clean toy)
"ermm...no,I'll pass if you don't mind"
"come on man, (pointing to me) make her jealous, now doing you a service here. you know you want to."

so in the end, he had to, twice. when the wanderer departed he started furiously scrubbing his face.
I bundled up laughing. the people you meet.
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Saturday the 15th. 
I shot a wedding at Joondlup resort , and it was absolutely beautiful in every way indeed, I worked with two old gentleman for the first time. they were doing videography and I was taking the stills. they were brothers, so ofcourse they kept on arguing the whole day.I like the older one though.he is more gentlemanly. (a good thing my professional things have no connection with this place)

there is only a single remark during the whole day that I wish to write about, when we were trying to find the bride's room,I said "follow the laughter, there are so many ladies in that room" and Peter said, "let us hope they are ladies."

there was a time, not long ago, when I was absolutely flustered and furiously blushing when I saw a couple stealing a kiss by blundering up on them in a hidden corner of a public garden.now I shoot people kissing on their wedding days, while I still get a slight blush ,what with the zoom lens and all, but this country has quite succeeded in jolting me partially out of my 19th century phase, though not entirely , no one can. even after I've had my first kiss, I will still remain in the regency and that is that. it kind of shows in my art sometimes.

need I say I approve of the colour! :D

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it is a tempest out there! the night of the 20th, the wind is the true wind of the sea, making the tops of the Pine and Eucalyptus bend double,plastering my cloths to my body and kicking up a wild storm inside me as well. it was full moon two-three nights back,and the moon is still rather big, I love such nights. So wild, so charged, so free. anything might happen on such nights,I have always felt, and when the moon is big, there is magic more tangible, I can almost feel it on the tip of my tongue..

every detail stands out in sharp relief in that magical white silver light, I see the fallen leaves on the shingles of the roof,I can see the outline of those huge leafs on some weird Australian tree, the water of the fish pond sparkles with hidden secrets, there tinkles a bell under the undergrowth of weed lilies and when I say, "come" a dark fur ball comes running out and rubs it's body against my legs, this is Bella, the beauty. the moon is again as beautiful as it always is, perfect, with those blemishes and swirling blotches of grey over the shinning surface of pure white. I do believe it would be as alluring without those blotches, they are her character.character is what makes anyone beautiful.

on these nights, I miss my brother the most, the person I could hold hands with and tell all my fantastic fancies, excited by the beauty of nature.how long has it been since I last put my head on his chest while he was asleep,so that I may hear the reassuring beat of his heart,so that my heart may yet again adjust it's pace. that dear little soul who is most precious to me in this world.who can infuriate,annoy and anger me the best,as well as understand me ,calm me and handle me the best.  

Mars is out in it's rust coloured beauty tonight, such a true hero. looking rather noble and constant ,tonight - the only anchoring point in the wide sky swept by the windy gale, for even the moon floats.
my lady Venus , always the brightest and shiniest sets early these nights. winter is coming.
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yesterday (19th) I was going somewhere in the bus, a red light, and I look up, another bus going in the opposite direction had stopped alongside us, and what do I see through the two glass windows? no one but my Irish co worker / friend, she used to work with me a at the photography place.we both recognise each other and wave , the light goes green, thankful for mobiles! :D

I also met someone new, a werewolf , a new friend? someone interesting, someone I can talk to, eyes that I may trust.

the thing here is this, everyone is a stranger, thus everyone is a potential friend as well. now, as per my discussion with my aunt, the actual percentage of "interesting,sensible and silly oddballs" is a universal constant- so.. you are lucky if you actually find someone with the same stardust on the same side of the globe, though that shouldn't deter you, of-course.
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 love walking and then breaking in to runs,
love trampolines.

both in a long skirt are much more enjoyable.

so after I returned with laughter in every pore of my being Neil ruffled my hair, "you haven't been happy since the past few weeks little one, try and be happy" he said.he sounds so fatherly at times I love it. (for those of you who have forgotten, that is my landlord) true, and no matter how much I complain about his lack of tone in his voice (you got it) he does see it when I am not entirely,fully rejoicing. not that it is very hard to detect if you know me, but then I am never entirely wretched either. I don't think it is physically possible to be bubbling over all the time, it is possible only 90% of the times. :)

at most when you are trying to balance over stiles or playing with dogs who show the slightest inclination towards liking you.

This morning I awoke to a beautiful surprise gift my dear M has sent me "The Curious Incident of the Dog" for my kindle- it is such a curious title , it makes my hypothetical tail wag.he knows exactly what I should love.though your missing aurora Borealis isn't exactly something I am going to let you forget soon for that is very painful.