More on being observant, spontaneous and me + fateful friendships.

I spent the night with Campee, a workmate and a new lady friend.we are very different,but it is still good to be in her company,for the sake of the familiar and feminine. It was like being back in India, not home, but India. We watched a movie and ate and gossiped. It was all over again a teenager’s sleepover. So this morning ,when I ran out of her apartment to catch the early morning bus to the railways station, the bus stop panel could have been anywhere, in Baroda, or in Mumbai, it was only that much alien and no more. This demonstrates a degree of acceptance which has grown gradually. At the stop, most people were Indian, and the feeling continued. The bus driver was Australian and I switched to English instantly while my brain was still processing the change. Right- so I am in Australia. While going up the accelerator in Gelndalough railway station, there were Italians besides me, and deep in to discussion. The tongue rolled over me with all the power of a Mediterranean breeze, just off the sea and over groves of Olive trees. I felt a thrill, like the ones that I really like. So , I should miss this land of cultural confluences, and also the realisation, that I am dying to go to Europe. India is home, a place where there will always be magic and beauty for me, the land of colour, shine and laughter. But, O’ dear reader, do you realise? I have come out of mourning, my black veil has been lifted and I live, again I live, with the same spirit and wonderment for the world. Not that I had stopped feeling it, I had just been not feeling it as keenly for a tiny while, in the greater schemes of life. I feel the thrills again, and I feel the pull of other places but home as well, the adventurer is back!! Full on!!

Trains.

Trains here are the typical metros, obviously. So, they are fully AC cars and they make me feel slightly sick in the early mornings. I just feel that trains should have open windows, which lets you feel the landscape and be a part of it, never mind the weather. They should ideally have curved iron bars as grills, and green leather (and then imitation rubber) seats. They should also have food vendors climbing in and out at stations ,offering delights of various kinds for the pallet. Delights that *may* make you curse the day you chose to eat them, but most likely will not, and would only impart the delights of discovery and taste. Every station has a speciality.

And because of the open windows, the chugging of the train will be much more pronounced. Would be just the right level it would. So that when you close your eyes , the rhythm will be the only thing you can think or feel, and slowly, you would drift off in to sleep, the chugging now a profound music that fills your world, and I drifted off too, and the train here, for a second or two, chugged similarly. I jolted myself mentally, It wouldn’t do to drift off, I will have to get off of the train soon, Perth is near. As I opened my eyes, I looked out of the opposite window and there was another train going past in the opposite direction, slow and then gaining momentum, the faces that were clear a second ago, now turning in to a blur, and what stood out? The sun reflecting off of a bald scalp, no offence intended. I smiled, trains are fun.

I am writing this in a train, the beautiful blue sky is dotted with fluffy white clouds and the train car is full of high school children going back home, again, the children are same everywhere. We just passed a tunnel and I could see my reflection staring back at me in the glass, the red rose in my hair smiling – it has been a good day at work, to my surprise, I am rather good at marketing and sales, though it is indeed hard work and I yearn for something more fruitful and gratifying.

Tomorrow is valentine’ s day, and the whole world here seems taken over by the materiality of it, while the declarations of love and the ways to aid them through monetary means are aplenty , and they make your heart feel a little bit more dry and salty , if , you like me and single, they do not do much to actually make people believe in love more, if anything, this whole “decking out the whole malls with hearts” thing makes more hearts sour and cynical.

When I have someone to celebrate that day with, we will give each other things on that day, which cannot be bought, not at least, in a shopping mall.

For all that, mom, there is this absolutely gorgeous sapphire and pearl necklace that I look at and sign every time I pass it, and it isn’t gold, can I? Can I Phulleeesssee??

:D ha ,some things are sheer pleasure to look at, aren’t they? Maybe I wouldn’t buy it even If I had the money, I would put it in a holiday fund.

Tomorrow, I want to wear red.

I keep challenging myself, and I keep going out of my comfort zone as much as possible, without being bad – in the real sense of the term – that is.

I dressed up as Marilyn Monroe, I have a very similar dress which I love, the white halter neck, and I bought the wig too, she has been one of my admired ladies, well, she has been and that’s that. I bought similar shoes to the scene in “some like it hot”. I made a deal with a makeup artist friend, that she should do my makeup, and I will give her some photos to use for her portfolio, it all turned out perfectly well, I was perfect, even though Marilyn used 2 coats of foundation, and I didn’t use any, for that stuff disgusts me, we used a tinted moisturiser and made do with powder on top. We did a photo shoot that was enjoyed vastly and has yielded amazing results. In photos without the wig, in my own hair, I look alike Rekha, my admired actress from bollywood, and with the wig, I could fool the whole of fremantle lol that I was Marilyn . it has taken a lot of courage – to go out on the streets of freo for a stroll, as they so lovingly call it, and BE her, it was a personal challenge ,and I have done it.I deserve a pet on the back for it! As someone asked me recently, “you surprise yourself, don’t you?” –yes I do, many a times and over the years, I keep doing that, it is interesting.

But nothing beats walking on dry leaves.

I met a stage artist that day, a comedian /hippy/ philosopher who appointed himself my guardian for that span, (and am I not grateful for the company and reassurance – I thank the universe for always doing things) with his copy of "short stories of Fydor Dostoyevsky" in hand, it seems I have made another conquest.  

he sits in a cafe and talks with strangers, he said, so I said, of course, strangers are always interesting.

and very strange too sometimes. he said.

but of course, they are strangers.I had to agree.

I believe he must have many stories.

it was a day of delighted children,people who stopped and congratulated me after a talk on a successful transformation indeed, jealous ladies,street photographers,amazed tourists,glad old men who seemed to have become younger again,reminiscing, amused people on the whole and some overly interested guys who made my skin crawl. thus , I have complied to my wish of doing live art/performance, all mannerism perfectly done. also for I sang "happy birthday Mr. President" and I was the study topic of UWA photography class that day, which now has them wanting my signature on the model release. I will, if they mention my real name and I get the shots in full size..

 here are a few that they emailed.

 (yes I did have my own photoshoot , How could I not?)

 

university has started again, and my creativity will need to be directed in that direction now,and all my labours too.

some excerpt from some recent communication with a friend,

"the other day I met a man from Afghanistan at work, you won't believe the thrill I felt , which had nothing to do with the short, stocky man and everything to do with his origins, his lilt of Hindi, familiar but not native,and mostly , his country. O, I love Afghanistan, it is a simply magnificent place made ugly by humans, I love the Hindukush mountain range, those high passes and the landscape even in the low lands. He was from Kabul and home for him too,was far away. here he felt very alone, he said, for he doesn't know a lot of English, I can imagine. so I neglected work for half an hour and had a chat. I am sure that may be forgiven."

"Perth has such delightful treasure houses - the vintage shops. I have been inside quite a few and those are practically the only places in the whole of Perth where you might catch the rare sight of me sighing over a piece, and used book shops. always those. I don't purchase but it is always fun to have a foray in to the past, and talk with the shop keepers about different styles ,fabrics and stitches, which pleases them as well. I actually made friends with an old lady who has a vintage shop in Freo, and she showed me her most treasured hoard, hand stitched undergarments made out of parachute silk, parachutes used by soldiers in WW2 and given to their beloveds as mementoes.
stories everywhere."

oh! another thing, yesterday at university, I saw that guy who kissed my hand after paying for my movie ticket. (last blog post) - and it appears- to my utter horror - that he is a tutor in ALVA, Architecture,landscape and visual arts. now... I was standing outside the lecture theatre with friends, talking over the horrors of the complex buildings studio, about to commence, and I saw him entering the main building, some 10 paces away, and he saw me, and I saw his jaw drop, and my smile froze and you see, this is going to be awkward for him (not me,I don't mind such silly happenings after getting used to the idea) if he will be teaching me sometime during this course.he shook his head,went rather pale-r and scurried away. now, it would be merciful if I can catch him when there are no friends around (of any of the two) and reassure him that it is alright, that he should indeed not feel bad and talk and laugh it over.

the thing that won't be funny- as you can imagine- is for me to end up in the front row in his class without having had that talk with him first.

Today, the world is mine again,

Again,there is poetry ,

In every twig, that sprouts,

From the dark limbs of the fairy tree.

so I went out tonight after dinner to walk barefoot on the neighbours lush grass /verge. no one here walks after dinner, it is a lost art. I walked and sang to the sky while looking at the stars. how absolutely grounding and liberating it is to gaze at the milky way.

"For you, you can expect an unlikely dress, which is always the case with me, and maybe a book, and a little bit of tentativeness in my ways maybe,(or not) but I grow quite silly rapidly."

p.s. I have seen my first ever elephant seal, Sorrento beach, 20th February 2014

      Neil gave me a tiny first ever glass of Gin and tonic water with lemon, it was like lemonade but the water somehow was very bitter. I see why little old ladies might like this drink.

Australia- Oh the sun.

 one who looks at the night sky and is not filled with wonder, has not lived.

16th of January 2014.
I had a  dream last night, in which of course I was the heroin of the whole plot.

I was back home. I had been adrift out at sea, on an island, all alone, and somehow , I found my way home. daddy loved me, my mom fussed and worried , and my brother who was sleeping when I came back, got a gentle kiss before I had to depart for school. ah - how real the hugs were! I still close my eyes on this fine morning, awash with pure sunlight after the new year's first rain last night, and feel the reassuring embrace of my father, the feel of belonging, how I laid my head on my mother's lap, I was little again, it was bliss. the feather light touch on my brother's cheeks, was he merely a babe in it? more accessible in size for me to carry around with me?

 the land that I had returned to, was home. it was home but it wasn't India as I had left it, it was now a much gentler place, operating at a much steadier ,smoother pace. it was no longer hostile, as it is wont to be at times, it was a mirage, a perfect reflection of a flawed world. a wishful fancy - but oh so beautiful and inspiring! that is where things start ,isn't it? in our dreams?

it was a perfect mixture of East and West. it was more tolerant and understand, people less judging. there was real freedom for woman, sparkling with good grace and tasteful modesty.  the men, had changed too, for that is how any place changes. it has all the colour,vitality and thrum of my homeland - but with it was also some elements of the safe west - making it the heaven on Earth that it is supposed to be.


 I have been feeling rather chastised by the universe lately, and rather too grown up too (the good news firstly - is that the feeling has been replaced with the eternal strain of music and magic that flows through our minds constantly - it had been somewhat muted for a tiny while , but it is back to remain) - one never should have to feel too grown up you know! a few guys have been taking me out for lunches and things, and the girlishness seems to fascinate them to no end, not that I am interested- that is the thing, my inside girl had rebelled towards this kind of growing up and well, to be honest , it is going to take someone really different for her to not rebel towards :)

and my question seems to amuse them all,  "should I pay my share?" it is only ladylike and decent to offer. because all the while I am feeling a bit bad inside because I couldn't crush the nice guy at work by refusing, he is amusing and friendly enough, and don't feel good about using his money. then- the idea struck - why, I am giving them a company they seem to enjoy enough, so there. my conscience is clear.

a Culmination of all write ups during the time since I have been here in this new land.
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I just haven't been able to write since I came here, I can not explain why so won't even try. (Drum-roll - cause Now I will try) - well, I  can say I have been a bit numb to it all, maybe my creative juices just dried up for a little while, because I was too busy being a sponge socking up all the new feelings,flavours and experiences. it was too much and it exhausted me, and I - for the first time in my life, knew what going numb creatively feels like - as I have indeed gone numb in many other ways but not quite like this.

it took a big thing for inspiration to strike again to get the words flowing, or we can say it has been building up,slowly but surely. I have come all the way to Australia,to a brand new country,have travelled overseas for the first time, and went through all the cultural shocks and incredulous moments of ,well ,incredulity. I have met so many new people and have started studying in a whole new way, have tried new foods, bought my new camera, my OWN camera, been on a very first date - and before I forget, I celebrated my very first birthday abroad, which didn't feel much like my usual birthdays though I did have two separate cakes, people have been kind but it is not the same and have seen birds and animals and trees that I have never seen before ,even went and saw my second Van Gogh and first Dali,Kahlo and Picasso ! but that didn't make me write - none of those things inspired me to open up my blogger and actually write something that was not full of self pity and yearnings for home and family. (duh I never thought I was such a bad traveller)

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"All this beauty is not wasted, for I am here to taste it."

there is a particular bush with amazing scarlet flowers that make me write the lines below.

"reds so poignant, bright and clean,
points of needles through the heart."

no, not much of a poet, but I don't actually mind :)

I have also found, that some faces are designed to look good only in grief,
and that the night is not very dark after 3 am here, usually, there is a pearly after or fore glow after that time which makes it really interesting.

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So I said to my brother, " In the end my dear boy, the gentleman always has the advantage."

this comment was made while noting his reaction to this
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svKWGnrbVos
 not that he was watching it for the first time.

though, of course, being a gentleman entails a lot more than just being sharp dressed and having the right bearing. (i.e. I can no abide anyone who,unless they are elderly, stoops/ walks without a measure of conviction in their own power of personality) feeling awesome in your own skin is a part of actually being awesome. hell, I carry my head high even in my pyjamas and would give you an ice cold look to boot if you've annoyed me.

I've learnt that Australia does have it's share of good looking men. I believe my partiality to eyes that are not brown might have something to do with it too, but than, Hugh Jackman, Gerard Butler and Richard Armitage are all brown eyed beauties so that really doesn't count as much. it is all in the bearing babe! the bearing of a gentleman, it is all in the speech too.
http://youtu.be/HrAGCJJkNbE

oh and does the speech here grate on my nerves! while I have to admit that here men are by far more considerate and polite when compared to their Indian counterparts , but do they swear! while they do consider women as being their equals and treat them as any person should be treated, they also swear in front of ladies. here I know, I differ, for ladies swear the worms out of my ears as well. it is probably an extension of equality  really, that they swear in ladies hearing.

phhffftttt.... I am so out of a historical novel.
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Finished another epic novel, and Now I am more convinced than ever before, that the world needs more such amazing works of art. more worlds must be created within this world so that souls can find their own resting places. Another reason, if there were ever more needed, to write.
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 In Perth - It smells different. That was my first observation to Victor as I got out of the Perth Airport, my condition a little girl scared witless and putting on an admirable brave face, which fooled everyone.

I had boarded my first international flight , traversed all the official formalities of immigration and security, changed planes in Singapore ,going from one terminal from another, which were miles apart - that included catching a train. I was seeing terribly big buildings and facilities. thank the stars for all those times when I have travelled with my family and took on the unknown. also put in there was the mule headed stubbornness born of having studied architecture - that makes you do things you never thought you would do, and a healthy dose of the archetypical Pride of the Leo s, this stuff would stiffen up one's spine in no time!

Victor was a student from Brazil, one of the 8 -10 students from that country, and they had all brought their surf boards; like, isn't that typical? though no one but the university driver was perturbed by it, he too only because he had to show it all in in the back of his bus.

it was cold, it was wet, it was windy, and it felt like the Himalayas to me. Himalayas in their summer showers. cold,wet ,unpredictable.

we were driven around, dropping one here, the other there, from suburb to suburb. in all this ferrying around, I totally missed the grandest building in all of Perth, the University of Western Australia, my playground to be. we were right there - but I was looking out of the window on the other side. it was as  you can imagine , all extremely different, so different that it makes me want to use, "very very" rather than extreme, it just has more punch to it! I was shivering , I was grim, picked neatly out of everything I knew in this world and dropped, just as neatly, in to a new world yet to explore. now, I was an explorer - something that I had long wanted to be. it is funny how when one day dreams, one does not accommodate the things that one would lose - even for a little while  - to fulfil those dreams. aren't dreams just fascinating?

(I felt some blood return to my brain when all the guys said all at once, "good bye beautiful lady" when my destination arrived.funny how that should help! :D)

one thing that I have learnt about dreams is this, that they do come true. if you are genuinely after them, they just will come true. maybe not in the exact way you envisioned and maybe not at the exact time you deemed right for them, but unquestionably, they will come true only when the time is exactly right for them, in the absolutely appropriate way.

keep faith. never doubt. absolutely never ever ever ridicule your own aspirations.

thus, I relate wet cold days with misery, because on one such moisture laden windy day, I landed in Perth ,with it's salt wind. a wind that smelled like the ocean and the green of the Himalayas. I shall always find that mixture unsettling now, it is just one of those associations that get hold of you. I have felt the same pull and strum on my heartstrings in summer days too when the weather has changed to mimic that day.those are bitter sweet days.

too much has happened since, but I shall only recount the most "highly emotive" - disturbing- scene, again of the first day /night here.

I was lodging for a week with a kind lady until I found a better suited place,I found myself  facing a little Asian lady when I stepped out of the bus, the driver helping me with my bags and asking me if I had it all. I didn't ever actually consider that she might be other than Australian before I saw her. our preconceived notions! She was sweet (and still is a friend) and helpful, I entered and was offered carpet slippers, I have always connected those somehow with sick people, I believe it must be because of their close relationship with the bed. the floor was carpeted in cream - another strong blow to someone who has rarely seen a fully carpeted floor, much less such an impossible colour! for shouldn't carpets be all lush and scarlet and maroon and green and gold? the house was immaculate, no single item out of place. it seemed as if I has stepped in to a movie set. she gave me green tea, I do tend to call things like that as flavoured water, I held the mug and my dazed mind refused to focus on anything but the idea of talking with my parents, so I did after getting her pass code. I cried, I hiccuped and told them I was miserable but all was good, of course everything was good. it was cold, and I was cold, and I was angry at my stupidity and wanted to be with them, but all was dandy and it was fun.  needless to say that this sort of thing went on for about 2 weeks, and in those days I was quite put off of food (so much that I would cook and couldn't eat more that 2 -3 spoonfuls) I tended to sleep a lot, which is always my coping mechanism.  I slowly overcame the 2 and a half hour time difference and stopped waking up at 9. Jenny was very good the whole time I was with her, gave me morning and night hugs, took me for walks which did me good, and showed me my first black swans.
I remember being introduced to good t v programs which felt like BBC with her, which I haven't seen since. I do know the value of a sensible household.

after talking with my parents (sorry ! for going off at a tangent), she suggested we go grocery shopping. she took me to what I now know is Coles supermarket, and told me to buy fruits and vegetables and then she will take me to the other sections, now that suggestion me than, was something equivalent of heresy. I felt cold to the heart, and all hope dwindled from my eyes, I literary started shaking. I had never ever before had a case of the nerves, but I should admit that this might have been that one time when I had. Jenny said all colour drained from my face and I looked like a little ghost. she is a perceptive lady. she came to me and held my hand, "that's ok, maybe we can get the vegetables later, come let me show you the breads". I needed that, and I clung to her hand for a while. Breads from a Supermarket I could accept more easily. it didn't have that doomed finality of the vegetables, the internal revolt at the image of me buying vegetables from a supermarket in plastic bags was the culmination of all fears and that was the point where it had finally hit me that I was thousands of miles away, not knowing when I shall again behold my family, alienated from everything that consisted as life for me. away, alone and afraid. that moment will be brightly remembered forever. I did get some semblance of calm back after a while and the shopping was done with Jenny's friendly advice and urging. I stubbornly refused to actually convert the prices to Rupees, a mistake many make. I still don't do it and it helps keep things clear. who needed the added panic of finding everything costing a hundred or thousand times more than it's original price back home?

I have done a lot of new things since I have come here. I have seen, eaten and understood. I have been on my first date. I have been on my first blind date, I have been kissed on my hand with a gallant gesture by a gentleman who bought my ticket for the second part of the hobbit without my even realising it,as a duty of a gentleman to an unescorted lady , I have been given flowers walking down the street, and am lodging with a man! I have indeed entered a world where I am constantly in masculine company. I am rejoicing being a woman. not that I didn't before, I did, but I couldn't let the world in on my pleasure, for the world was hostile - while here ,I can revel in the pleasure of my womanhood without feeling threatened.(well - for the most part) it is fun to wear what you want and where you want. While it is important to retain and indeed ascertain one's sense of classy dressing, it is also pleasurable to notice that when men do notice this - they admire you and the good ones will go out of their way to hold doors open for you if they see you going towards a door.

I mean, I am enjoying being a lady here. that is all. Australia does, of course, have it's fair share of silly,vulgar and mean men,(those do tend to meet me at a certain bus stop in Northbridge, I do not know why!) , it is a great improvement comparatively nonetheless. 

I see so many people with ear phones plugged in their ears, I mean, what's the point of having ears if you are going to mistreat them. that sounds funny. well, I say, if you can not hear a serpent slithering up your bed - you can practically be deaf. there are so many instances when I see people, not notice. the tiny minutes sounds that I notice and can react to. people are so Oblivious and the sense so muted. this distracts from the whole life experience. or am I being judgemental?

My affections and kisses are mainly directed at nature since coming here, bella the cat is licking herself besides me on the garden seat and I kiss the roses every morning, also any other flowers I come across. I hug cats and dogs, as long as they don't scratch , and I hug trees, for they always love me and caress my cheeks.

to recount other things, I have seen mermaids in the fringe festival , I have worked as a professional photographer (something I always wanted to do!) have worked in a film for my university, have worked in a commercial music video,I have learn to work in the kitchen with my vegetables with meats and fishes besides me, I have now officially lived with a dog and a cat, and am growing potatoes in this sand here. I have tried so many new dishes,I have met and made friends with so many people from different cultures ,backgrounds and nationalities, I have sold on the streets, and have experienced the true artist's life, colourful ,emotional and poor. someone did say something about artists being dangerous people as they know people from all classes of society. I have worked with the Mayor and politicians of western Australia, I have worked with the hippies and travellers.I have travelled here a little bit,I went to bells rapids and to a little town outside of Perth, I have explored Perth and it's wast suburbs and have figured out the public transport with a familiarity of an old friend. I have had my first full on Christmas, worked with Santas,elves and little children of all ages, and Had my own little gift place under a Christmas tree that I opened on Christmas day!I am rather happy I am having this time!

UWA lipdub film crew,the great gatsby.

oh and I saw my first dolphin yesterday! on Australia day, on India's 65th republic day , on my father's birthday.

I saw the spectacular fireworks and the air show that instantly makes you want to fall in love with the pilots. I was just on the edge of the river walk, with the salt waters of the swan lapping  at me and my tripod, with a Chilean photographer on one side and a grandfather with his two grand daughters on the other , I made friends with them all. and behind me were two ladies and one's husband from Iran. one of the ladies clung to my shoulders as one amazing display after another kept us gasping at the sky. that was welcome, that was companionship. that was like India, where women do not find it bothersome or weird when another woman  touches them just for a little bit of companionship and a display of sisterhood. maybe - just maybe I say for I am a little unsure-  western women are not too big on that sort of actions. maybe because there no need to be only friendly towards safety here, but I did feel this basic understanding was shared by the Iraqi woman, a profound and age old fear and dictates that we women from those parts understand and when we see it shared in each others eyes, we hold each other with respect, for we have known more adversity than women here ever will. it does give a certain depth of character, and a kind of gratefulness for the freedom here.

a friend asked me today ,if it has become easier for me to be here?

I said, and I paste ," while I do miss them everyday and each time I do something new, I am not tearing up at every given opportunity and quite enjoying my freedom , as it is only myself I have to consult in making plans and decisions - though I do ask things everyday and ask their advice after making up my mind, for compounded wisdom makes it whole. talking everyday makes it easier to be part of each other's days and events. you are not missing out on each other's lives.I miss the company the most like yesterday during the air show, it didn't excite me so much as when I showed the video of it to my brother and Felt the actual thrill of it with him.I was rather detached until he joined me and I was enjoying the video more than the actual show. I mean ,that's just silly. but there it is.
 travelling alone, is a good thing and a bad thing. you don't have worry about anyone else, but you don't have anyone to hold hands with when you see something that takes your breath away."

Kackoo, our parrot, has departed the world in December. he is a happy parrot somewhere else now. I knew when I left that I won't be seeing him, my little lover, when I comeback. So , no more greeting me when I open the garden door, and no more saying," I am a sweet parrot" first thing in the morning, but maybe, just maybe, I will hear him, when I open the gate again when I go back, just once, ever so faintly, he will come and whisper for me. would you my kackoo?
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I am content and the world is beautiful. there are many adventures that I have failed to record, and there are many many more to come, life has so many secrets to unfold yet. the wind is just as enchanting a thing as it was back home when it passes through the leaves, and the sunsets are spectacular. I am aware that this experience will change me, is changing me , but I am essentially the same little girl from the green town of Gujarat. of dry golden grass and tall trees, harsh sun and dust kicked up by fighting dogs and the constantly chattering squirrels. that little busy town with it's temple bells. I am just that girl who always had big dreams in her shining eyes.

so in life, where ever I end up, in which ever corner of the world, in every age and time and place, I will be that woman, who stands on the grassy hill, wearing a long witchy skirt that flutters and floats around me,my hair floating behind.looking out over the horizon with eternal wonder on my face and a heart full of gratitude.

me and a dear friend after a good day's outing in the countryside.

 the next post will hopefully be more sooner. good night from Down under!

(oh! it seems I had written the entry before this one the day we watched the first hobbit, and I thought out loud that I will probably be watching the second one myself, alone)

on things of importance.

I awoke at 6:50 am and mom was looking at the paper, saying, "the miss Universe pageant is today" so,we started the TV, an unusual occurrence in this house, the Tv doesn't start before 10:20 AM at all, well apart from the day of the Oscars,then you'd find me sitting in front of it at 6.

dad came in and said, "we should be looking at the election results,not this" but well, it hadn't started yet.

As I type , the state poll results are coming in from both Gujarat and Himachal, Himachal - I believe - has shown more sense, in denouncing BJP - but we shall see.

as for Gujarat, the illusive, and the most important elections in the country , the status remains unclear, while I do hope for a great flip and the present government to go.I have faith, the people will show sense, what was this huge turn out for voting was for ,if not for change?

thus, I have given you my views on this, and let me now continue with my story telling, if ,by chance, the poll results are in before I finish my entry, that will included too.(they are in,of course they are in,I've taken ages to finish this!!)

we were coming back after watching the Hobbit, the mesmerising memory of the scenes itched on the screen of my mind.
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the one solid question that arises out of my consciousness ,(which in turn is in perfect turmoil of outrage,suppressed anger and sorrow) is - what is exactly wrong with the Indian men?

while we are on roads,demanding harsh punishment for those rapists who killed the 23 year old in Delhi, do we all ask this same question?

is harder ,harsher laws and their fast infliction the answer? so is the animal called Indian male only deterred by  threats , and have no conception of things like Chivalry, oh heck Chivalry, of being a decent a person at least? are they incapable of being driven by moral values which they so admire and require in all us women?are they even human?

even dumb animals know when to not do something,once being told it is not to be done,anyhow,it is wrong to compare bad humans with animals ,animals are by far more better and sensible.

each day,the news papers have aleast 1 rape case - in India, a woman gets raped every 18 hours. is this a sign of a sustainable society? can this go on?


written December 2012 never got around to finishing, so this will have to do.

my musings.

 I had my medical testing for visa yesterday, in saviour hospital Ahmedabad, I went alone, dad being at work, Mom an invalid after her operation and Vidur has his important 10th exams coming up from this 7th.(poor guy will have to say bye to me during these exams :( )

the tests there weren't exactly too hard to do, apart from the fact that the patient robes are shamefully thin, and I kept fretting about it falling open ,they were front closing with Velcro and knee high, and I turned instantly red the moment the old doctor entered, which made him say, "it is alright dear, I assure you I don't bite". which turned me even more red , and I think I giggle more than is mature.
who cares.

he did seem quite interested in my choice of study.

I have lots of things to say,and expect them in an unexpected order.

now I know how it must feel to be a mother, or atleast, how the mother of the toddler feels - I have to get up when ever my mom wakes me (usually twice during a night) to redress her wound, and I stay groggy and incoherent for a while.(once I woke and was pulling on the tight surgical gloves - I had fallen asleep worrying over a few things and I couldn't pull the glove on,because I couldn't find the last finger in it and I started crying, "mommy, I lost my finger,"(how glad I was of mom there) and then started giggling and tear shedding together, it was too funny even for me, I guess I was too worked up and sleepy and tired all together) not that I am complaining, just stating that the experience has taught me to appreciate the effort mom has put in to bring us up.

today was a day of little wonders, the kind of that keeps repeat it self over the centuries and makes people write wistful accounts of it.

so what stands out?
stepping "only" on fallen leaves as I walked on the side walk, and the resulting dance.

the warm sweet smell of sun dried wheat grains that I and the maid hauled down from the terrace this afternoon after leaving it to bake and cleanse it self in the new shiny hot sun. the smell it self is the manifestation of  an Indian summer.

I and dad went to the shoe seller to buy house slippers for me, We've been buying from the old man since forever,and as far as I can remember ,he has always been an old men, but now that I reflect on it, he must be something between 60 to 70 now. makes you think. he always gives me toffees after we've finished a purchase, and again did so today ,one for me and one for Vidur. that is such a sweet,old and anchoring thing.

there are particular people who know me here, have known me from childhood and continue treating me as one - that mechanic who used to give me those shiny bearing  balls when ever we visited his shop, and still continues to tease me about it, that sweet shop vendor who calls me by my pet name or the photographer who still thinks that I am to be treated as a young girl who doesn't know the importance of sitting straight. (and not to forget the banana seller who asks when ever he sees me out of doors - and if I've not bought from him that day - why I won't buy , but he is a new addition) and the annoying but persistent fenugreek, parsley and green garlic lady who is attraction of the winter seasons.

this is where I grew up, lots of nooks and roads talk to me in whispered stories of the past, down that tree fringed road be dewed with perfumed sweetness of young leaves and flowers, lies the tinkling laughter I produced while skipping and jumping and being flown between my parents ,holding their hands. the old forever lovable nature park,full of memorable picnics ,tramps and adventures with innumerable partners, the squirrels and fishes there , the noisy parrots, crows, monkey and peacocks.the morning walk roads from my home, purple hued in early mornings, the farmland beyond is just a memory though, which has been ruthlessly developed, and tells me, even If I weren't going away, the wheels of time will bring change here.

there are things that will change irrevocably while I am away, but there are things that will always stay the same. the wheat will always smell so beautifully after a baking in the sun, it smelled so in the days of Laura wilder and it will continue to do so as long as ladies of the house know how to store and refresh their yearly grain.

the house gecko on the wall assures me that it will definitely leave it's ancestors to greet me back.

it is spring coming around the corner here, and I will be leaving, this happens to be my favourite transition of the seasons here. where the dull greens of winter are replaced with vibrant,cheerful and blazing colours that strive to mimic out sun. all trees will break out in yellows,whites,reds,oranges and purples, sometimes they are hard to look at ,at noon. the air will be laced with smells and perfumes so heady that they might turn your head.the mangoes and lime and neem will break out with fragrant blossoms - and ah! the Indian day of love would have arrived. "Vasant Panchami" the 5th day of spring. spring is a dedicated time of love of course.

oh let me  tell you of my wondrous gifts
 1) a first valentine's day bouquet of 12 red roses with these lines from P&P- thank you sender. you are such a perfect friend.

2) Vidur and mom made me cheese filled "Bhackari" umm a sort of bread biscuit. loved it <3 thanks lovelies.

3) our maid gave me a parting+good luck and remember me gift of a beautiful and delicate bead necklace and earrings set. she is such a good lady.it was such a touching gesture.

4) my dearest aunt gave me some funky pink feather earrings and a tee with pink lilies on it.

5) mom and dad have been always giving me practically everything but mom bought a simply magical charm bracelet for me, how I adore it... and also some other surprise buys.

6) my one aunt sent me a box full of home made sweets (made of flour, butter and Jiggery ) to take with me, which Unfortunately, I won't  be able to because of the tight customs. some money from another uncle.

everyone's concern is so heartening. what ever happens, there are always those who love you.

and as for the elder's blessings, I wonder what my ancestors on both sides would have to say about this new adventure of a lady of their clan.

meet this grant gentleman - one my dad's side, this is his wall mural from the fort of Sihor - he was the first advisor and army commander to the king. well,I rather like getting a glimpse of my grand,grand,grandfather.

A pity no such peek in my mom's side of blue bloods remains (or does within my knowledge) but they were also pretty huge and big and had solid silver doors on their home stead. they also owned half a land of the current Ahmedabad (I might have heard an exaggerated version there) and were pretty careless with selling out with the government.

but then I am equally proud of my recent lines that go back to the Gandhi philosophy,teachings and life. the intellectual connections are far more recent,alive and throbbing still. well ,I am sure I am making those people proud.all those writers ,poets and thinkers that my dear daddy grew up with, they surely approve, even if daddy dee doesn't. he worries a lot.

this new life will be full of work,challenges and some initial poverty , I need to find some work and soon, the dollar difference is frightening.

well, read on for some older narratives.
(GOSH how I shall miss here - my brother and my books and kisses! I need kisses in a day :P will have no one to kiss me there )
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I am sitting here,sipping Apple Juice, the world is calm and cool. we had spinach Packoras (bhajiya- guj) for dinner - which came straight from the garden, what I love the most about gardens is the feel you get when you are picking something edible, it some how feels much more personal.

the world might be calm and cool, but I have been far from calm and cool, inside, but even that doesn't have a huge hold, I might be daunted by the idea of the bank not working fast enough and having to wait a semester, to go and study in the University of Western Australia , that might alter my well laid plans and day dreams (!) for the coming year, but it essentially won't be a catastrophe, as it were. I will still be snugly snuggled within my little maidenly world of beauty,peace and love. this kind of confidence comes from the unshakable faith in everything that happens ,happens for the best, and the guaranteed love from people close to me - sometimes we underestimate this assurance of love, but really, that is exactly the thing, and the only thing, that keeps us going. it is also the most important thing in the world.

that is what we aspire to, too. isn't it? behind all the wishes of fame and fortune, the approval of others-ultimately, isn't that what we seek? some might say it is power they want, but power over? people, of course, and the ultimate power is to be able to inspire love and liking in others.

My parrot is constantly saying, "I am a sweet parrot" in Gujarati, just to remind me that I will be away from him to,when I go away.

December of 2012 came and went - too fast it seems now - and the world didn't end, this world is too beautiful to end in a day.

may be the apple juice wasn't such a good idea, my head is aching again,I have a cold and mom will fully disapprove.

My brother's friend ,our neighbour ,is now whistling to Kackoo , the parrot from his side of the compound wall.

today is a beautiful day, because it is a day of a beautiful blue sky laid over with wisps of white,ribbony clouds. they shade the earth partially, I love such days, they are beautiful and poetic.
have you noticed, how beautifully the shade takes over the patches of light, and they shimmer , intertwined in each other, a play of light, perfect in it's haphazard way. one moment the tips of the dark leaves of the flowering plant are shinning and reflecting the sun, and in the other, the flowers seem to long to touch the leaves with fondness, which are now in the rather happy shade of India.

my country might have not had the opportunity (and the will) to hold on to it's natural beauty in all places, but it is still amazingly lovely, as all land must be - lands unspoilt - the dusks are a poetry in shadows, starlight and moon light, my little corner of the world, is perfect in it's own way.

I have been making a list of the beautiful things that I shall miss,apart from the obvious things (and likewise, will make notes of the beautiful ,moving things - in WA) - it includes the tree tops which sway eternally just outside my window, miss world and her pups (no matter how silly she be), dad listening to old classics at night, my books and the library space, looking outside the big window on a fine or rainy day, our small garden, my desk, my collection of fossils and meteorites ...
it is futile .

it is like leaving your whole world behind, it is also like embarking on a new journey of adventure and yes, Hardships - but adventures never come without a tiny sprinkling of hardships.it is a new chapter in Diva's life, and she knows it,said the narrator in the book of my life.

but , as I think of going away, this one scene pops up in front of my eyes, it has to be one of the most beautiful scenes of my life.

I see 4 horses , agile beasts with power radiating around them , running under the swirling shadows of Huge pines and deodars (the tree of Gods their big trunks draped with dark green moss), spraying snow around them as they ran, their noses sending up wisps of smoke made of condensed moisture, beautiful manes flying around their faces, white ,brown and black, with the white one in the centre, their thick tails swishing, and eyes seemingly, looking straight in to mine..
the beautiful Himalayas horses, that ran along our vehicle for a while as we travelled to Rohtang pass , high above Manali, latish in the year 2011. (a post about that can be found)

that was just a few moments, but it will keep replaying in my mind always, it is like the scene I keep remembering about my first glimpse of my baby brother, so tiny, like a new born kitten, my entering the room in a daze, my heart beating excitedly, a look at mom to see how she was and then even she melted in to the white background, my bending over a sleeping little face with crinkly skin, peeping over a bundled up body. then the face started to move a bit,and distort considerably, it wasn't a cry though, just a yawn, and the baby Vidur opened his feather like eye-leads, oh so excruciatingly slowly, for I was dying to know the colour of his eyes, and was calling my parents to LOOK!!two dark pupils filled up most of the eye space though :D they were so black that I first mistook them to be a dark blue or purple.


got to go and pick him up from school now.
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My feet are in the bucket, soaking in the warm water so blissful for my tired feet. Well,It was high time that I got around my pedicure thingy.being a total none goer to the establishments connected to beauty and grooming, I have a hard time pulling out the relax time to do it myself. (that is,when I am not reading,or writing,or making something or playing or mending stuff - there is oh so much to do)

Well,you know, I could go to sleep right now, but my brother’s best friend is shouting just outside the window ,telling him to catch that stray cut kite which must be coming on the wind towards him.

It is Uttarayan today, the festival of kites and kite fights. I was up there the whole morning, but have not gone up after the chores, it being very important to get my feet some rest. They’ve suffered a lot lately, firstly, they are peeling because of the intense rock climbing I did in November , they took their time about it too, my hands are over peeling and are now normal.secondly , they both have suffered injuries in recent times and are painful, muscles are pulled because of running after a car with bags full of vegetables in hand, the area near my left knee is swollen ,purple , dark red and black, respectively. That being the heroic marks of that strong push I gave ,with my foot on the road and the knee pushing the scooter straight again, while I was bringing brother home from school and we were about to slip because of a stupid car driver pushing up off the road.I am glad we didn’t slip and fell, that would have been way worse. And the other foot is swollen because the washing machine tilted on it’s stand and fell on my right foot.

Quite a footy story eh??

Anyhow, thus I have fairly established that they need the rest.

Now,what has been happening? Yesterday We bought the huge bags for my uprooting, (that being the exact term that I associate with what’s going to happen when I leave here- that is what I feel) and suddenly, it all seems far more real than it did before. I am really going, and as I often say,I am going to so out of my comfort zone, that the universe must comprise to make things go well and for the good. I am embarking on that adventure that I always said I’d embark on (!) – and It would be wrong to say that I am not afraid , or not sorry to leave that beautiful place that I call home. They say the heart is where the home is, but what if my heart is all over the Earth, what then? Though,the biggest chunk just happens to be here, anchored on by my beloved people, magical spots and sights and the perfume of homeland. My going away doesn’t mean I love India any less,just that I must succumb to my need to do things in a way that would help me do all the wonderful adventures that I promised myself as a child, those are the promises that matter, the ones you made without any thought of monetary gain or any practicality. I have made such promises to my people, and that I will keep up too.

The problem is, now I bust in to tears as much as I used to burst in to laughter, I do burst in to laughter still , but sometimes I end up in tears when I started laughing initially. The thought that haunts me is, “enjoy this while you are with them, as much as you can, soak it up girl!”.  Hell, even when I shout at them (and I do) I tell myself, “you’ll just have to shout at yourself after a few months.” And that mellows me down in an instant (no easy feat).I am so hopeless at leaving behind those dear people that sometimes I do ask myself if it is worth all the fuss, the dreams I mean/ but they are! Of course!! And I shall have to say good day to you , O’ beloveds! I shall see you again soon.

I have a huge suspicion that I wouldn’t know how to enter the airport past the security saying goodbye to them, I might just have to ask the security guy to kindly bundle me inside, while I cry out rivers.

That is why I haven’t written much in recent times ,I’ve just been staying with Bro, the little guy should not have to make a do with me in his teens, I know that, but it can’t  be helped, he is the wisest one too, so I hope it will all be alright.No one understands me as he does. There I go again, the words are blurring, and the water is almost cold now, must get on with the feet, see ya soon.