Those nights.

There's a bird, that only sings at night.
Night and day, it does divide.

Working wheels have stopped,
Last workers called to hive. 

Long after the revelers have ceased.
There's only, my ears to preach,

Only those haunted by love,

Awake are at that hour.

In tortures of pleasures or pain.
Only the thinkers of this mind,

Do wake then to hear this call of thine.

It preaches only to them.

Those souls, in turmoil.

I know it now,
I know it well.

In the dark of night, bathed in tears,
Only it's kindly words did I hear.
It called me back , and pulled me out. 
Sweet was it's melody, if ever so proud.

Now that I'm happy,
Merry as a bee.
And the dark of night,
Beloved again.

At times I still hear,
It's warble, it's shrill call.

The memory of those haunted nights
Return tenfold.

I'm stronger, I'm bold,
Even though memory remembers us all.

Thank that song, 
That sound.
Of love, of sorrow or of bleeding heart,
It taught of fragility of life,
To be true, to love and live.

Mine life, hadn't started, 

hadn't been weathered well. 

Young I still be, 

Still Naive and reckless.

But oh the need to live now,

to never hold back at all,

Is stronger than ever before. 

Die I may, today or in a hundred springs. 

I shan't again,

Not live..

Love guides me, not fear.

Sing o' little bird,

For pain may come and go.

Yours songs, will comfort forever more.

Love, shall endure,

Even though it seems to kill you half before. 

I wrote the above to define and condense a few truths from this year thus far. My mind still boggles when I try to look back at it and see the depth, width and range of things that have affected me and mine. All I can do is feel relief, take a deep breath and shake my head in disbelief. Was that me? My life turned so.... I have no words. But man, has it been something!! Learning...always learning. Being dazzled by the fortitude and courage of me and my love. The kind of things that can happen. Have and are still happening with me. Me - the effortless seductress of all the world, men and women. Even she struggled at times, before she understood that it wasn't about her allure.

Still, when I'm unguarded, regret and the inability to change the past haunts me. Then I remind myself that the way is only forward. That what I am is most important. If I seem impatient,too eager, too wantonly inclined to find my desirability again, how can I be blamed?

Now, hopefully, and mercifully, it will all come together slowly. Patience and kindness to myself and another is the key. But whew...have I been alive and full of emotions! Fully lived days in a way.

After all however, so changed, grown say, but still the same. I would still write the below with just that much love and ardor for life. I am thankful though, thankful for each moment, every feeling, and the deep self exploration and understanding this has brought about. Growth indeed, is a big thing, a BIG POSITIVE thing if you choose to make it so and learn from it. Let it make you braver, truer, and a better version of your self. May we always see the brighter side and let our hearts do the wise thing, tend to the heart's needs, ours and another's. Amen !

27th September 2013 

what a miracle everyday is,
you realize it when you watch a new day,stepping gingerly,towards dawn.
ah, but what a miracle it be,
just to watch the night depart, and watch it grow lighter.
I believe those to be the magic hours,
for they hold so much promise,
hope and faith.
anything can be done, on a day that you have woken up with,
O' this enchantment of light is worth losing sleeps over.
for you know the precise time when the first bird opened it's sleepy eyes and started cooing.
Have been up since 4 am and am absolutely blown (all over again) by the phenomenon.

 Yes, got to end with a light ,girly note - yes?
Ha ha and walks , lotsa walking.