So, all I meant to do today was make a calendar for us, for the coming year, the coming decade, the coming adventure that is life. I was looking for a particular picture of me and the now husband, then boyfriend. Instead, what I ended up doing was to go down memory lane, feel "oh gosh how young were we" realize that we are still the same and be inspired to write another rather personal, entry in this poor unattended blog.
By the by, I have been working away busily making my website, that I give time to when I can. But should do more of - here is the link http://homeheartandhappiness.com/ I have also started doing little bits around cooking and home made things. But that is content for somewhere else.
So, to come back to the personal. Did you know I am pregnant? You probably do if you are in touch with me, but if you one of those that secretly stalk, then maybe not. I just made it weird. Anyway, I am almost there, just a few more weeks to go. I feel very round, and very full, and rather blessed. People talk about the discomforts of being pregnant and how it is a tough job that just gets tougher as you go, and no looking down at that. For really, it is hard to be comfortable.However, and everything before that so called but, is irrelevant as they say, the magical sensation of feeling the baby inside is only understood when felt. It is a blessing. It is a miracle. And all the other adjectives that we allot to childbirth. It is like carrying love, in human form, inside of me. A combination of him and me. Who would have thought? What an amazing, enchanting idea? See, the thing is, you never really grasp the full meaning of this phenomenon until it happens to you. At least I didn't.
I had never been much of a cooer. Never clucked at other people's kids. Never had a particular need to hold babies that were not related to me. As my mom in law says, pregnancy was no where on my radar. I was busy making plans for the future. We indeed had plans to make babies, which were adorned in a slightly distant future. A future where we were pre - prepared and it was all very neat. We learnt that we should take the changes in guise of blessings as they come. Life plans are there to guide you, not to bind you. Me, the eternal planner, did struggle a little bit at the start, but I was always in love with the idea as well as being absolutely frightened and panicky. After all, I had been planning a life time trip to Africa with my lover boy this November, each day was meticulously planned and the guide was chosen. We were on first name terms, so to speak. Instead, in November I had a wondrous cub shower. I am learning daily about how much our body is capable of. There is something monumental about this everyday, seemingly usual happening. I tell myself, that when the time comes, my body and the baby will know what to do. I didn't know how to make a baby, my body did. Indeed, we were rather naive ;)
Pregnancy risks saw me pulled off of work and ordered to strict bed rest by the doctors at 20 weeks. I was in shock, again. The job being so new meant I wouldn't be eligible for any maternity benefits from them, or any leave. This transition to feeling entirely useless and unproductive saw me lying in bed, crying in self pity for the first few weeks. I am not one to sit around lazing, without doing anything. Then, this again, proved to be a blessing too. There is much that one can do to feel useful. Which extends to packing husband's coffee flask for the next day too. No work is too small, as long as you are willing to do it.
I found there were ways to creatively use this spare time to build on some smaller ideas that were just waiting to germinate. I worked a bit more on the blog. Started transcribing. A lot of personal writing. Did photo-shoot managing, meaning I matched clients to talent and worked as a go between from home. I started looking at expanding my interest in fermented foods and healthy, homely cooking into a business opportunity. I was able to do this in a way that only really saw me about two hours in the class day on my feet, which again still was tiring. A lot of work on the computer but that is done in bed. Oh man, have I been pleasantly occupied and then some!! The psychological reward is great, and also is meeting so many nice people, while working on something I truly enjoy. I only took holidays from the cooking classes in December, giving myself one month to the due date just to be safe as Tim and mom both were getting a little worried, and I was getting exhausted.
So..... Wish us luck as we plunge headlong into this magical thing called parenthood.
We are excited.
We are in love.
We are nervous.
We are...which is a blessing. And may my little family and loved ones be always protected and safe. I wonder if all mothers have that chant in their brains, unconsciously repeating, as they go about their day? This whole being pregnant thing is making me understand my mother. It is making me appreciate her all anew, not that I didn't. I have a new respect for all mothers that are good. This is something that has to be felt to be understood.
When through me, the baby and the baby's father touch each other, my world is complete. Having the child inside of you is the closest you will ever be to any other human being. So all those who feel mortified when their mom's kiss them in public. Back off, she has every right! And you have none to deny her. Knowing that it is the offspring of the one who you love so completely, that you made it together and it is a combination of you two, is another revelation of monumental proportions. You are no longer just lovers, best friends and a married couple (plus a thousand other things) - also you are not parents too. I am just in constant awe of it all. Still half disbelieving that I am going to be a mom. Me, This girl. I feel like I am still little myself. I am so glad my mother is coming to help out.
I'll let you in on a secret, she told me that she also just feels like a little girl :) I guess all the best people do.
Talking about the puppy. The puppy loves the cub in the bump. She has been so attentive and careful around me since I got pregnant. She knew, and she is super protective. She also likes to put her head near the bump and listen to the baby. She will make the best sister dog person. She is so gentle and kind, we are lucky to have her too. And I am thankful that Tim has trained her so well. I learnt how. Absolutely essential for the happiness of the dog, eventually.
Anyhow, these are the pictures that prompted me to go on a journey inside for this blog.
This could quite possibly be our first photo together, how amazing.. We look young but still just the same.
A yoga day, when he hid in the tree and was going to jump and scare me (!) but, I came the other way and surprised him. hahaha
And some photos of me, looking back at my slender form. Which is currently not slender at all :D but is ripe and full with someone little.
Last month, the cub shower - because we all love the cub.
The first time mom met my mom in law. Of course there was cooking and much ado about food. Learning from each other. I love these two ladies. I mean, my mom in law remembers what week I am better than I do.
Us at my graduation. Because he was as much a part of it as anyone. After all, the only time I declined a date was when I was supremely busy with work on my last project. So he helped put it together.
Then, after the folio submission a few days later, took me out to dinner. A memorable dinner during which I almost slept in my soup. I was dead tired, hadn't slept for a week and I don't remember how he made me eat and took me home. Poor boy thought it would be a fun date. I mean, he did enjoy himself laughing.
Reminiscing the beautiful times, those everlasting days of magic, they have brought us here. Here is marvelous. Even though part of me is slightly chicken about the giving birth bit, I am mentally getting my grit on. Even though I am greatly emotional and cry at the drop of a pin. I am sometimes overwhelmed, like I was last night when dinner was no where in sight and I was just too tired. So the solution was to start crying and get annoyed at husband. Who of course cooked and would have done should I have just said it plainly. That is after consoling me and saying sorry for whatever it was that was peeving me out.
Pregnancy is interesting. So are our brains. I am glad we remember the good times and choose to feel totally no affection for the fights and rough times - thus forgetting them in the grand scheme of life.
I am thankful for this fact of everyone that I love. Those who dwell on the good. I thank my stars everyday, and believe that gratitude is the most powerful thing.
So, the New Year starts tomorrow. A new field full of possibilities. Here is hoping it will be again, another magical, blessed year, a decade, and a lifetime of creativity, celebrations, passion, love, health and togetherness. Of good dreams becoming realities and lots of adventures. Hoping that we get to know a little person very well and that person, us. And that love abounds and so does luck.
I am still the same girl, with big dreams in my eyes and trying to do my best to make them a reality. Full of ideas and inspirations, sometimes too many crowd my brain but that is who I am. The reality is a dream come true. May it always stay so, protected, cherished and evermore. 🙏🙏
By the by, I have been working away busily making my website, that I give time to when I can. But should do more of - here is the link http://homeheartandhappiness.com/ I have also started doing little bits around cooking and home made things. But that is content for somewhere else.
So, to come back to the personal. Did you know I am pregnant? You probably do if you are in touch with me, but if you one of those that secretly stalk, then maybe not. I just made it weird. Anyway, I am almost there, just a few more weeks to go. I feel very round, and very full, and rather blessed. People talk about the discomforts of being pregnant and how it is a tough job that just gets tougher as you go, and no looking down at that. For really, it is hard to be comfortable.However, and everything before that so called but, is irrelevant as they say, the magical sensation of feeling the baby inside is only understood when felt. It is a blessing. It is a miracle. And all the other adjectives that we allot to childbirth. It is like carrying love, in human form, inside of me. A combination of him and me. Who would have thought? What an amazing, enchanting idea? See, the thing is, you never really grasp the full meaning of this phenomenon until it happens to you. At least I didn't.
I had never been much of a cooer. Never clucked at other people's kids. Never had a particular need to hold babies that were not related to me. As my mom in law says, pregnancy was no where on my radar. I was busy making plans for the future. We indeed had plans to make babies, which were adorned in a slightly distant future. A future where we were pre - prepared and it was all very neat. We learnt that we should take the changes in guise of blessings as they come. Life plans are there to guide you, not to bind you. Me, the eternal planner, did struggle a little bit at the start, but I was always in love with the idea as well as being absolutely frightened and panicky. After all, I had been planning a life time trip to Africa with my lover boy this November, each day was meticulously planned and the guide was chosen. We were on first name terms, so to speak. Instead, in November I had a wondrous cub shower. I am learning daily about how much our body is capable of. There is something monumental about this everyday, seemingly usual happening. I tell myself, that when the time comes, my body and the baby will know what to do. I didn't know how to make a baby, my body did. Indeed, we were rather naive ;)
Pregnancy risks saw me pulled off of work and ordered to strict bed rest by the doctors at 20 weeks. I was in shock, again. The job being so new meant I wouldn't be eligible for any maternity benefits from them, or any leave. This transition to feeling entirely useless and unproductive saw me lying in bed, crying in self pity for the first few weeks. I am not one to sit around lazing, without doing anything. Then, this again, proved to be a blessing too. There is much that one can do to feel useful. Which extends to packing husband's coffee flask for the next day too. No work is too small, as long as you are willing to do it.
I found there were ways to creatively use this spare time to build on some smaller ideas that were just waiting to germinate. I worked a bit more on the blog. Started transcribing. A lot of personal writing. Did photo-shoot managing, meaning I matched clients to talent and worked as a go between from home. I started looking at expanding my interest in fermented foods and healthy, homely cooking into a business opportunity. I was able to do this in a way that only really saw me about two hours in the class day on my feet, which again still was tiring. A lot of work on the computer but that is done in bed. Oh man, have I been pleasantly occupied and then some!! The psychological reward is great, and also is meeting so many nice people, while working on something I truly enjoy. I only took holidays from the cooking classes in December, giving myself one month to the due date just to be safe as Tim and mom both were getting a little worried, and I was getting exhausted.
So..... Wish us luck as we plunge headlong into this magical thing called parenthood.
We are excited.
We are in love.
We are nervous.
We are...which is a blessing. And may my little family and loved ones be always protected and safe. I wonder if all mothers have that chant in their brains, unconsciously repeating, as they go about their day? This whole being pregnant thing is making me understand my mother. It is making me appreciate her all anew, not that I didn't. I have a new respect for all mothers that are good. This is something that has to be felt to be understood.
When through me, the baby and the baby's father touch each other, my world is complete. Having the child inside of you is the closest you will ever be to any other human being. So all those who feel mortified when their mom's kiss them in public. Back off, she has every right! And you have none to deny her. Knowing that it is the offspring of the one who you love so completely, that you made it together and it is a combination of you two, is another revelation of monumental proportions. You are no longer just lovers, best friends and a married couple (plus a thousand other things) - also you are not parents too. I am just in constant awe of it all. Still half disbelieving that I am going to be a mom. Me, This girl. I feel like I am still little myself. I am so glad my mother is coming to help out.
I'll let you in on a secret, she told me that she also just feels like a little girl :) I guess all the best people do.
Talking about the puppy. The puppy loves the cub in the bump. She has been so attentive and careful around me since I got pregnant. She knew, and she is super protective. She also likes to put her head near the bump and listen to the baby. She will make the best sister dog person. She is so gentle and kind, we are lucky to have her too. And I am thankful that Tim has trained her so well. I learnt how. Absolutely essential for the happiness of the dog, eventually.
Anyhow, these are the pictures that prompted me to go on a journey inside for this blog.
Then, after the folio submission a few days later, took me out to dinner. A memorable dinner during which I almost slept in my soup. I was dead tired, hadn't slept for a week and I don't remember how he made me eat and took me home. Poor boy thought it would be a fun date. I mean, he did enjoy himself laughing.
Reminiscing the beautiful times, those everlasting days of magic, they have brought us here. Here is marvelous. Even though part of me is slightly chicken about the giving birth bit, I am mentally getting my grit on. Even though I am greatly emotional and cry at the drop of a pin. I am sometimes overwhelmed, like I was last night when dinner was no where in sight and I was just too tired. So the solution was to start crying and get annoyed at husband. Who of course cooked and would have done should I have just said it plainly. That is after consoling me and saying sorry for whatever it was that was peeving me out.
Pregnancy is interesting. So are our brains. I am glad we remember the good times and choose to feel totally no affection for the fights and rough times - thus forgetting them in the grand scheme of life.
I am thankful for this fact of everyone that I love. Those who dwell on the good. I thank my stars everyday, and believe that gratitude is the most powerful thing.
So, the New Year starts tomorrow. A new field full of possibilities. Here is hoping it will be again, another magical, blessed year, a decade, and a lifetime of creativity, celebrations, passion, love, health and togetherness. Of good dreams becoming realities and lots of adventures. Hoping that we get to know a little person very well and that person, us. And that love abounds and so does luck.
I am still the same girl, with big dreams in my eyes and trying to do my best to make them a reality. Full of ideas and inspirations, sometimes too many crowd my brain but that is who I am. The reality is a dream come true. May it always stay so, protected, cherished and evermore. 🙏🙏
