representing different times and moods

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

art cravings

i do not know when i will be drawing again, but, after a long long ,,,longgggg time, i sketched again today. the last 40 minutes have been fused with energy and the need to create something, gosh! i was browsing and than i just HAD to drop everything and get a paper and a pencil , now, nothing to get all excited about as far as the results are concerned, they are not all that brilliant, but for some one who hadn't sketched seriously in year, 2 in 40 minutes isn't something you can laugh about.

my, i feel exhausted, i  am yawning and almost ready to  fall asleep. what ever did adrenalin do? when i started drawing it was like each time when i had wanted to draw, but hadn't the time, had come together and i was drawing just like that, what ever came to mind and vision. so eh well... that happens right. 
usually i have such driven need to write, but hey , i love to sketch. so with no claims to high artistic skills, i shall share with you the result of the last 40 minutes efforts .

hmm, ok so the lips could use a better hand, but this is the best i could do with them. i like the eyes and nose, but after scanning i realised that i could have added more hair.. alas.

a piece of drift wood that i found in the great desert of Kutchh. this one is the better of the two i think, it does look a lot like the original piece lol so yeah that's that.. 
but the scanned ones don't look as good as the true paper ones.. duh

let's see what we can accomplish on the writing front today than. but right now, i am just going to read. William{by Richmal Crompton} , here i come.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

random late night reveries

nothing definite,short stuff , simply going to be random.

- i have started to feel that facebook is a huge waste of time,but i feel pretty disappointed when there is nothing new on there from any of my friends. i usually try to stick to the number of 50 friends, any more than that, starts to make me uncomfortable, 50 is my safe zone, close family and friends, with a few others, and that's about all those i care to be connected to on every day bases, this being one reason for my being particularly flamboyant or silly/frivolous on there too. it's very personal, simply.

- i love shoes, more to the point, i love looking at shoes,  i like classy things, and even cloths are not so elegant as shoes, they first need a body to be in them really, shoes , are perfect. while i don't buy too many, and just broke 2 or my total 3 heels, still i am not sure i'll be buying many of those uncomfortable kind, they are just for those who don't need to walk.

- i love skirts, i barely have the figure for it.but i guess long ones that i prefer aren't all that bad on me.

- books make me go quite silly. i am sure i'd be uncontrollable more regarding books than shoes or cloths if i had all that money to spend.

- i love floral prints, i prefer dogs over cats as pets, and i don't prefer pink over favourite colour for lips and nails is blood red.

- i love white cloths with tiny pale flowers, i love everything about the "Jane Auten era"

- i like big jewellery, i love aquamarine and hues of the ocean. i love olive green, to melt in with the forest. i love my hunter shoes, they are so macho :P

- Italy , is my dream destination,so is Paris ,Kenya,London,Ladakh , the whole of Himalayas and Romantic Venice.

- Bombex Ceiba ,just happens to be my favourite tree, because of it's flowers and it's scales.

- i do silly talk to animals, not that they reply back,well not in words at least.but i won't be caught dead talking like that with any human whom i didn't know well.

- i have a tendency to be childish during half the conversation my loved ones would have with me during the day, i fancy i am still being my 6 year old self at those times.well, duh, they love it and so do i. i am also as stern and disciplining as an army office (my brother's words!)

- sometimes i indulge in dry humour during any commonplace conversation. new eh? the remark is sometimes so unexpected and sharp that it takes time for people to understand that they were to laugh.

- Karma,i think, is to scare your actions in to submission. i believe in doing good,, for the sake of doing good, and not for any selfish reason, like reserving a place in heaven for one's self after death. so don't argue with me with the aid of Karma, won't be getting you anywhere, i believe in doing something good,everyday, i love the feeling after having helped someone, or having made someone smile. not that it is not selfish pleasure.

- i hate hypocrites.

- i have more friends abroad than i have in India, not counting my cousins, they are family,and very close too. i hope to meet every one more than only ones in my life though. it would be such a great pity if i didn't , i love them all and they all are so great.

- i like my photos being taken, period!

- i sometimes wonder how people have the leisure to go in to soul wrenching depression, but as i've been in it ones, i suppose it's not all that hard either, i am a little hard hearted, even in that time i thought i'll manage till the earth doesn't stop revolving on it's axis. this is so NOT pointed at anyone. what more amazes me is how people can find the time and the patience to read all those "positive thinking" books, it's all repetitive junk and we should be able to motivate our selves.

- after having said the above like a little rainbow, i will contradict my self and say that at times, dying doesn't seem like a very bad idea at all.

- i don't seem to make men feel protective towards me, may be i am not that sort of a girl i suppose.while i do seem to attract a lot of debate and opinions.

- i forget my brilliant lines/songs/poems by the time i reach the pen and paper, as i usually get them while walking outside :P

- i seem to have a big writer's block.

- i am determined to be a writer.

- my idea of a perfectly romantic morning would be, under a huge tree, resting my head on someone's lap, reading my favourite book, and occasionally looking at the leaves rustling above, their thick foliage filtered through by the dazzling sun rays. all in the Austen costumes, you understand ;)

- i need a "new everything" for my birthday, i celebrate getting one year older, one year wiser,and having spent a year on this beautiful planet.

- the only person i really really resent is our chief minister. because he resents anything that doesn't give him money,trees,farm land,forests, the list goes on.

- this year's wish list for my birthday is not yet fully determined, but books are there, i don't have the last two parts of "His Dark Materials" so it can't go wrong.any fantasy book can't go wrong really. like the "Septimus Heap series". i like gifts that make sense, don't give me hearts that say mushy stuff,jewellery and cloths can always be used hough. and so can money.not chocolates, i don't eat those much. give me plants instead, i like them and they grow. don't buy cards for me, if you must give it, than make them or draw something. the card industry is a disaster. but some are really very pretty, and i collect them :P use your discretion , i seem to be totally gone case tonight.

- i can't help but love second hand books.

- i am in love with Sherlock Holmes, Vincent Van Gogh and the "shadow king" in the "city of the dreaming books". really. and of course Mr. Darcy.......for a look from those eyes.

-  i wanted to be an artist,a scientist, a researcher and adventurer, a historian, a singer, a spy, and a singer as a child. huh..i am studying architecture and music, i hope to travel, but i am not a spy. 

- i am conceited, but humble enough to know it. 

-  some may think that there is nothing that i resent in my life,nothing that hurts me every day,nothing that is more a physical pain, that i am a too self absorbed to be sad. i am just aware of the fact that, those little sorrows are a part of those things that make life worth living, i live with those. 

- if i ever wrote to you "love" as an end of email/note address, i totally mean it. i do not use that word lightly. it means that i trust you, respect you, and,despite all our deferences, consider you a very close friend, i can not give you anything more than that, because that is the strongest bond,the biggest gift.nothing else from me can surpass that.  

-Romantic love is,i don't know what it is. so won't be talking about it.

- i enjoy giving gifts,i choose/make each very carefully, may be those might not be what the other person would have liked sometimes.

- it takes a lot to sicken me, i rarely, if ever, have nervous break downs. if there are any, they'd be emotional rather than anything from the outside. i am good at the time of problems,i seem to adopt a philosophical attitude towards them. i don't scare easy, i fight for my loved ones, and no one bullies me :P

 - well the last is not true,some people bully me, but not appear to be bullying so i get bullied :P and i am scared of the dark sometimes.

- snakes scare me more than lions, but i have had to kill a snake, so.. not that i relish that thought. the poor dear thing.

- i procrastinate in writing.

- i love to cook/design cloths but not sew them my self/design good spaces.

- i love thread work on cloth, little beads work and i wish i had more time to make those.

-  i am running out of space to store the books.

- my knee is in pain, i know, wrong construction by the standards of English Language, who said i was talking in English language? i went for a long jogging run with my brother, very long , mind you, and that is something stupid to do with a hurt knee joint, that's all  my hidden "maleness" at work i suppose :P how silly. i am also excited about the next month himalayan trip, i want to be fit for is going to be pain walking from tomorrow, for a while. that is, if i do go anywhere tomorrow, ahhh....

- i am feeling rather lonely, and want to talk with some one, but chatting has always seemed rather a hollow form of communication to me.

- i have no aim, to write this blog entry, other than, i suppose, to sort out a few things in my head about my self.

- i do hope no one is offended by anything that i might have said on here. it is really all about me and not about anything else. 

- i am a study in contradictions, i know that. but still i'd like to talk of it with you, but in writing, always in writing, for , oh , it is so achingly romantic and real :)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I,Me and Mine.

blogging is all about being self centred, people like me who took on writing online after starting out on personal diaries must feel that they are so very "full of them selves" but i guess, that's what it is for, to make your friends read about you whether that wish it or not :P he he

well jokes aside, i have been at the hight of things lately, more to the point,stubborn and disciplined in a way.been giving every one a piece of my mind,so to speak. people around me usually say that i am sweet (i am talking about real people around me, friends) but they also know that i have a foul temper when provoked.i can't be silenced if i think that the other person is making an ass of himself, or being a hypocrite. i hate those.sometimes i think overly sentimental stuff foolish and i have no love of soft mushy stuff. though my parents always say i am so over the top romantic,so that i am not sure what side of me you might encounter when ever you happen to do so, depends very much on the circumstances. the only word that i am sure about being "me" is being very much opinionated.

had an almost volatile argument with the priest this morning. we usually do not bother each other, i rarely ever visit the temple,i do not believe that God is confined to the temple. he/she/it is every where, in the grass blades, in the trees, in the wind that plays with my hair, in the sun ,moon and stars, inside me and you, and of course in a Temple :) so well, i don't see him often. i mean the portly old man with crooked brown/yellow teeth and a white beard who serves as the priest here.

an old gentleman has planted many native plans and trees in a rectangular patch of land, in front of the's been almost 3 years since he started working on it,and not a long time from the time when it was the emerald jewel of the temple grounds.thick foliage canopied over the smaller flowering plants and fruit trees.he had put two big bird baths there,a small shade made of logs firmly hammered in the earth and covered with leaves, for every one who wished to sit there in their spare time. as well as a packed earth sitting area. he is quite old more than 85 i am sure,he's been a good friend to me, gave me saplings and even fruits and flowers.while we funded his effort to put a protective boundary of thorn bushes and Henna plants around the plantation afterwards.he sometimes comes over on his bicycle for chats when he is feeling better (well he is old). it's been good,he'd go there every morning around 6 or even sometimes at 5 when the water pressure in the municipality line was low to water the plants.he does work a lot,it is a labour of love, he simply loves the plants, and at his age, it is really something. he has always told me that trees belong to every one,they give food,calm and shelter to every one,they are the true messengers of God.he firmly believe that it is more worth while to do gardening than to attend the temple pooja least he is giving something back to the community. And this,from a person who we call illiterate,in our modern terms,agreed that he doesn't know how to read or write,but he seems to have achieved the highest spiritual and philosophical degree. he knowns what life is really about. i like him all the better for that.

(i wish more old people were interested in doing something good rather than be absorbed in their own woes, all the time complaining to every one and God too i am sure, about how hard life has been to them,how the new generation shows no affection and how the world is doomed because their son/daughter in law forgot their birthday, like COME ON- they seem to have the advantage of lots of free time after they retire right, no job to keep them from doing what they always wished to do,well may be not bungee jumping,but like there are hundreds of more productive and creative pursuits-most elders around here seem to think that the burden of refining and progressing of the community depends only on the youth,like, come on, we have jobs,unsorted love lives,dreams and the wish to give something back to the world of course, to make each day full. so stop calling us lazy and bonkers. i am not saying that it is pardonable to slight the elderly though, they have a wealth of experiences and wisdom, i just wish that they used it them selves too.)

anyhow, the problem was the priest's jealousy of my old friend's popularity and flourishing garden. every one greeted him every morning and partook of the advantages of the trees.he hated how every one said he was doing great work,how beautiful the garden was.etc the priest planted two rows of decorative palms along the short path leading to the temple and cut and diverted the waterline from the old gentleman's patch of green.under the pretence of needing the water for the palms. i noticed the dry, dreary state of the smaller plants in the patch on my morning walk with mom, the bigger trees were fine but the herbs,flowering plants and shrubs were all yellowing under the strong summer first horrible thought was that my friend had passed away, i hadn't seen him in about 15 days because of my work routine.well, he is old, but may he live many more healthy years. he is fine, as i made a dash for it early this morning, but very much grieved to see his beloved plants dying slowly,the bird baths are empty and the soil very much dry. i and mom went to talk things over with the priest, and he started shouting like an oaf that he is,"who are you to come here telling me what to do", "you have no right to speak" , outrageous-  well you don't say those words in India, you just don't mess with the world's largest democracy. it is enough to make me go flying over the rage threshold. while the puny details of the heated exchange is not what should concern us, i must , for the sake of a belated laugh mention that i told him to not to shout on me,i was not his wife, i bloody well will speak as i lived in India and not Afghanistan and that he had no right to divert public water lines, and kill birds and plants too.  he should not think that, as we were women, we'll not take harsher actions than a simple request. that seemed to remind him that,after all, Indian Jurisdiction was not partial to male superiority and his supposed holy man status. (holy man my foot) he than went on to explain that we were very much mistaken,that the little scoundrel had a grudge on him since forever, the water was available when ever he wanted but he just didn't come when the water came in the morning. it was not his fault that the local society president had decided to put in palms and keep watering them,when i told him that the amount of water he was giving the palms will probably kill them in about a week. he went in to a fit of rage and  some pretty nasty curses came out of that foul mouth for that old gent,whilst my dramatically inclined mouth hung open for a few moments after hearing some words that I never tolerate being even whispered around me.what a nasty person, there he was,firing away, standing inside the temple, the holiest place as far as Hindus are concerned ,and he was a hindu last time i checked. (it is similar to a reverend bellowing curses on the pulpit really). ugghh... 

there is no use talking to a person without shame or manners, he deserved no reply other than the ultimatum that we were bringing the society committee president with us the next day.yes, so that's the course of action, we'll also be submitting a written note, rudeness has no place in a civil society. our little "talk" was witnessed by many and supported too. so water it WILL be for the plants. nothing less.

i hate people that stare, i do not mean the appreciative looks,cast at me at regular, respectful intervals when they think that i am not looking,i would look at a person if they looked good, i would look at a puppy if it looked good. that's not the point.the stares that i am referring to are the ones that make you feel naked,the eyes are obscene, they seem to devour you like hungry wolves ,and those are the stares that i am talking about. they do not seem to notice that you are a person,they see only a body, and those stares make me angry, incidentally, those stares  usually come from the most coward men. so,when you confront them asking what the hell is he looking at, they run away like little scared rabbits,only that they aren't cute. you do get the urge to go after and get your hands on them,you feel the stinging slap on your palm which you'd like to bestow, but most of the time, when my temper is in check and i am in a hurry to work or college, i  pretend not to notice or hear the things going on between the male onlookers. ladies, usually do not make a nuisance out of them selves for handsome men though. 

saw a video yesterday, 

 while i do not say that majority of men are not tolerably good. i commuted to work for 3 months and was asked twice for my phone number, the first incidence is well know, but the second one, on the last day of work, was more subtler and less outrageous. the ticket clerk at BRTS who gave me my bus ticket every morning , with a cheerful good morning, was dismayed when i told him it was the last day and i will not be coming afterwards. leaving the counter he walked to the bus with me, much to my unease, i had really thought that he was just being friendly when  i replied his greeting. i suppose there is not much spread of the concept of "friendship only" between a woman and a man. he asked if I'd come to see him, (of course,if something took me along the path of this bus service again) , and then he said there were some things that he must tell me, (oh no, not that now ) and asked for my number, while i saw no need to give him that. i wasn't interested, period. giving it would only raise his unfounded hopes. but his face, oh that saddened face stayed with me the whole day, i felt like a heartless wretch, and resolved to not bestow my smiles on any one from now on, being mistaken as a cold specimen is better than being taken as a wilful heart breaker. i derive no pleasure from the suffering of my fallow men, suffering of any kind, and abhor being made the cause of it. 

well, a chat with mom cheered me up, well, as a woman of the world, she knows more than i do. she was like "my dear girl, it is not your fault that they expect more from you than you are willing to give, it is theirs." and "appearing cold never harmed any one" so i am going to keep my nose in the air, unless they are being particularly charming, they won't be noticed. there :P i'll just become Mr Darcy, the female one.

summer is here, i've started putting out water and food for birds since February, just a friendly reminder. 

i am about to finish Ruskin Bond's "a face in the dark and other Hauntings" it is more absurdly pleasant than scary. watched "Julie and Julia" i liked it . my office is over, and i need to justify declining to work in the vacation when my nice boss asked me to stay on.working was an educational and amazing experience.  i mean to be working hard in the coming days. on creative things in general. wish me luck.

my brother's exams start this 7th, my dear little cousin is coming on a fleeting visit this evening and i am excited about that. i have to get the grains out to make flour , and i will probably be somewhere in the Himalayas next 15th.... and adventure camp and national tai kwon do championship - my brother's team, they are taking me with them :D and i get to take the camera with me too. (i flatly refuse going any where breathtaking without it, it would torture me to death,well not really) i hope i can do all the rock climbing and river crossing stuff as well as photography, i have no fears as far as tough hiking /climbing goes though. i just hope that my knee will be healed by then.  

spring here is perfectly delightful and lovely 

but with it comes the neem Juice , a glass every morning for 9 days. it is the most bitterest thing in the world, may be... but good for you. so i go for it . .. ughh
that's all folks, i would really love your feedback, either on here, or in privet, love hearing from you.

will talk again soon
lots of love