representing different times and moods

Sunday, March 25, 2012

the poor Hopeless sunshine-it will always give hope.

chiirrrooppp....chiirrrooppp....chiirrrooppp....chiirrrooppp.... goes on the squirrels
kip..kip..kip.kip..kip...goes on the Myna. they even go kaalp.

it is a typical, soft (if you are indoors) summer afternoon in suburban India.

your vision sees Utopia of out the window, the pale blue sky, watery, forms the back drop of the moving pictures and patterns made by the even paler leaves, they flutter, up and down,right and left, they go one. the green is,also, a watery kind of green, the undersides of the leaves being only slightly more paler than the topside.the only solid thing in the whole world seems to be the brown branches,but they are also swaying.

welcome,is the support given by the mattress to the tired limb, lying slightly on the other. oh, the beauty of being really tired.each muscle and sinew seems to throb very softy with singing sighs, it is pleasure.may be it is worth it, to work day and night,just to achieve these few moment ,the moments in which you let your soul swing,between the real and the mind, both awake and dreaming, the drowsy lethargy in which, you are still composing the lines of a poem.ah, the sweet ,sweet moment, before you submit and surrender to sleep. who/what do you think of then? which face/place/thing do you see before you are lost in oblivion? do you know- that what ever/whoever it is- is enormously important in your life? do you also know, that it is important to go to sleep with a smile and have some one find you asleep with a smile on your face?

I don't think any one ever consciously remembers what they were thinking before they were asleep, but keep trying, to make it something that you do not worry before going to sleep.

sometimes I think of blue waters, sometimes of stretching coasts with waves breaking,of foam patterns, mountains and glens , valleys of green, a lion's open mouth,or a sunflower's dream. today, there was a fleeting thought and concern about what a friend of mine would be doing, I always see her in green. so, if I were to really observe, than there is one person (not always the same) that I think of and there is one place that my mind tosses out, and than we go to sleep.

I am not a religious person, But I am very spiritual, and I pray almost every night before bed, so that kind of includes all of my loved ones, and the Amazon, and all the forests and wild animals in need of saving from us.
I also say sorry to those who I might have offended during the day.
it surely makes you a critic of your self.
and you get to talk to some one.
and it is highly satisfying.
I absolutely know that some one or something is listening.

every one is asleep! the house is silent, the bread is backing in the solar cooker. only the parrot and I are awake , and we are being careful not to make noises, these people look so lovely sleeping.each person that you love seems even more lovelier when he/she is sleeping, with such beautiful,innocent faces.
this afternoon is one of those, that you wish you could pick up and preserve in a bottle, it is golden and musical, fragrant with hopes and nostalgia.

many days have come and gone between today and the last passage,
I just found my self wanting to elaborate on the pleasures of courting.

by translating this song, I don't have to do much else. :)

Abhi na jaao chod kar ke dil abhi bhara nahin -2 - don't leave me just yet,I am still yearning.
Abhi abhi to aayi hoo abhi abhi to - you've only just come,only just.
Abhi abhi to aayi ho bahar banke chhayi ho -you've only just come, and you have spread over the environment like spring.

Hawa zara mahak to le nazar jara bahek to le- let the air be perfumed by your presence , let my vision stray
Ye shaam dhal to le zara - 2 - let the twilight fall.
Ye dil samhal to le zara- let my heart beat stop skittering.
Main thorhi der jee too lun nashe ke ghuunt pi to lun - let me live, awhile. let me drink the wine a little.
Nash eke ghunt pi to lun abhi to kuchh kuchh kaha nahin- let me drink the wine a little, we've not said much yet
Abhi to kuchh suna nahin- we have not heard enough.
Abhi na jaao chod kar ke dil abhi bhara nahin-don't leave me just yet,I am still yearning.

Sitaren jhil mila uthe... – 2 - the stars are shining.
Charag jagmaga uthe - the diyas (candles) are burning (read- now)
Bas ab na mujhko tokna... - 2 - enough, please do not stop me now.
Na barhke raah rokna- do not stop me in my way
Agar main ruk gayi abhi to jaa na paungi kabhi - if I stay now, I will not be able to go back ever.
Yehi kahoge tum sada ke dil abhi nahin bhara- and you will always just say, that you are still not satisfied.
Jo khatm ho kisi jaga ye aisa silsila nahin - this is not a journey , which will end in any manner.

Abhi nahin abhi nahin- not yet,not yet.

Nahin nahin nahin nahin- no no, really no

Abhi na jaao chod kar ke dil abhi bhara nahin -

Adhuri aas... -2 - unfulfilled wishes
Chodke adhuri pyas chorh ke - leaving (while my wishes are unfulfilled), leaving while I am still parched.
Jo roz yun hi jaaogi to kis tarha nibhaogi - if you go like this every day, than how are you to be depended on
Ke zindigi ki rahon mein jawan dilon ki chaha mein - in the hearts of young love, in life ,
Kayee maqam aayenge jo humko azmayenge - many places will come,many a bands will be- which will test us
Bura na mano baat ka ye pyar hai gila nahin - do not be annoyed, but this is love, not a game.

Haan… yeh kahoge tum sada ke dil abhi bhara nahin - yes.....but you will always say - that you still yearning.

Haan…an… dil abhi bhara nahin

Nahin nahin nahin nahin

isn't it beautiful ?
simply lovely .

old style of courting was SO much more romantic and (so it seems to me) interesting.

 a few days back, I was walking and I saw a mayna, who's claws (feet) were cut off, and still it hopped around with the others, searching for food, it used it's forelegs as it's feet.

I 've been meeting her since , many times, and she makes me wonder at the resilience of life.I do not know what happened to her, but she sure is one super girl to know.
and now,isn't this one PERFECTLY lovely? I want a hat like that.
some one recently asked me what I was hoping I would get as a present this year. (b day). I won't tell you what I told him, but yes, if any one is wanting to know..
yes, Have faith in me. trust me, truly, fully. that is the greatest gift.

though you can check out my unread books list or pintrest wish list for gifts that will cost you :D

oh yes.true.
so, I am learning, I am learning to let go those who do not mean to stay in my heart, but without any resentment. growing up is rather a painful process and at times, if you are not careful, and too much self absorbed , you can lose a lot of time and energy making things work, trying to make people stay that , after all, are not meant to stay any longer.
though, that doesn't mean I block away my heart, locked and protected, even they are welcome back, if the time is right, everything might work out. I keep it open, an open heart may be hurt often, but it receives more love.

it is worth it.
"Sometimes a man imagines that he will lose himself if he gives himself, and keep himself if he hides himself. But the contrary takes place with terrible exactitude."
- Ernest Hello
and before you all start wondering and exclaiming, no I am not in love. you will KNOW when I am really in love.

still, a girl is always in love, before she really falls and stays in love.

I am reading "Anne of the Island". I feel that we are now friends,and friends we shall remain, for the rest of my life. she,she is eternal.A girl , a lady every woman can relate to, or at least most can.there are lots of sentences and passages in there , that I wish I could capture, for they are so true. I want to have them written all around me , so that when ever my eyes fall on them, I can node and think, how perfectly the author has captured the realities of a woman's heart. guy, seriously, read Anne, if you are interested in knowing your girl.

“In imagination she sailed over storied seas that wash the distant shining shores of "faĆ«ry lands forlorn," where lost Atlantis and Elysium lie, with the evening star for pilot, to the land of Heart's Desire. And she was richer in those dreams than in realities; for things seen pass away, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island 
 “I've been feeling a little blue - just a pale, elusive azure.”
L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island
 “Kindred spirits alone do not change with the changing years.”
L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island  (i am so happy to have found a few truly kindred spirits-I call them my star dust friends)
 “…the Lake of Shining Waters was blue — blue — blue; not the changeful blue of spring, nor the pale azure of summer, but a clear, steadfast, serene blue, as if the water were past all modes and tenses of emotion and had settled down to a tranquillity unbroken by fickle dreams.”
L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island
 “I'd write of people and places like I knew, and I'd make my characters talk everyday English; and I'd let the sun rise and set in the usual quiet way without much fuss over the fact. If I had to have villains at all, I'd give them a chance, Anne--I'd give them a chance. There are some terrible bad men the world, I suppose, but you'd have to go a long piece to find them...But most of us have got a little decency somewhere in us. Keep on writing, Anne.”
L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island 
 'We have come to a parting of the ways,I suppose',said Anne thoughtfully.'we had to come to it,do you think,Diana,that being grown up is really as nice as we used to imagine it would be when we were children?' 'I don't know-there are SOME nice things about it,'answered Diana,again caressing her ring with that little smile which always had the effect of making Anne feel suddenly left out and inexperienced.'But there are so many puzzling things,too.Sometimes I feel as if being grown-up just frightened me-and then I would give anything to be a little girl again.' (how exactly does this mimic my sentiments)

I just find it terribly sad that the Author had an unhappy marriage.
no wonder she lived through her writing.

I am just happy that my brother threatens me , saying - "don't you dare marry for anything other than love-we'll just stay together forever if you don't find the real thing"
and you thought he was the youngest of the Munis.

he is simply brilliant , and far more mature and understanding than any of his peers.of course, there is something to say about having a starry eyed older sister who'd fill your head with lots of impractical nonsense. I may boast, you see, I am very proud of him.

we are both Munis, we are both Leo s , and we are best of friends.
(he may say otherwise :P )

my cousin's pen friend came and stayed here with us for 4 days, those 4 days were so much filled with fun, travel and a little hint of more self discovery, and yes, I did make a lovely new friend. may be we will meet again sometime soon.

I am half way in the land of dreams, it being 1 am , almost, and she is in Jaisalmair, somewhere in the desert, I hope she remembers what I told her about the stars of the desert.they are brilliant -opposed to the ones she sees in Seoul.I hope she feels her heart swell with unknown wonders,and in awe, at the sheer size of the things we are part of, like mine does each time I see the milky way turning and twisting, almost like a wave, so still yet so full of motion. oh I hope..

some day, Again I shall walk the sands, someday ,again I shall tread those high mountains.they are my soul's resting place. I feel at home there, like an ancient wanderer ,come back home after years of explorations, why else would the lands would be so gentle?

sometime, far in to the future, may be, I may hope, like Anne would, of hands held ,during the rapturous yet calm delight  of a walk in fairy land.

good night folks.

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