representing different times and moods

Sunday, December 7, 2014

As a woman, As a lady. Femininity, feminism, love and kindness.

When sometimes, ideas overwhelm you.
When I come back from a walk, I am always bursting with ideas.
When I do not write, I become superficial, as if I live a tiny bit less.
But then I also say, that I do not live,unless I write about it.

My blogs are not only about my wanting my friends to know about the highlights of my life,indeed, I fail to record many (it is never about egoistic self promotion as I expose my faults too) . It is about recording the moving times, the enchanting times, those times that are simple yet stay with you the longest, also ,this is about my love of the language, and in preparation for the bigger works. If I move you with my stories and prose here, I can do it in a longer format. If I can't here, I can't there.

As a writer, I glory in seeing the magic again in my life, through my own words.

Some say it with their hands , Arthur Rackham currently holds my heart (amazing read) where is concludes,
"Of course the gift to be cherished most of all is that of life itself. One’s work should be a salute to life."

That is why I always feel, that if I am not writing about it, I am not really living. As writing is a passion, and it keeps me thriving. 


Talking of hearts
Drunken men outside were talking about the "old world values" of society. Lamenting their women who had left them for other men. I will be doing the society a disservice if I do not take the side of the men here - Most of them do not deserve to be treated the way they are treated. I have seen this first hand, and while I do not know all the men here ,nor all the females, I do wish everyone treated each other with more gentleness.

As a feminist it is my duty to say it when someone is suffering because of predefined notions about any social group (ANY) and as a sensible human being * I hope * I have to take issue with anything that is nonsensical.

I also wish this society and all its interactions were not so disposable.

The other day, someone joked in my class, and forgive me, this is going to be a bit lewd.

I said, "I shouldn't have done my food shopping when I was hungry! Bad decision!"

A guy friend, " Yes - you should never do food shopping when hungry, and you should never date when horny"

(like really! why can't university students not be lewd)

Me, cringing a bit "Those are wise words, though I am only guilty of the first"

"ha ha yes, but as guys we are always horny on dates! "

here it stuck so I had to differ.
"No, I can't agree with you there. You are doing your own sex a disservice , I don't think you would take matters to a next level if you didn't have any attraction for the lady , at least all sensible men have some sort of standards, you are not robots who are pre programmed to do certain things.You should never say such a thing you know."

I received a startled stare, hesitation of some moments. I could see understanding working its way behind his eyes . Then he smiled.

"Yes, I am sorry I was out of line ,and I get your point, This is how it all starts."

As a feminist , as a humanist, as a sensible mature person, it is my duty to not let this kind of double sided flippancy go unremarked up on, no matter how innocent it really was. 

What kind of feminism is mine?Are there different kinds? Is the movement inherently wrong , or is it just some people who have got it wrong ?

Two good male friends have asked me this. It seems even sensible, respectful man are driven to distrust the term "feminism". It is not the movement which is wrong, only that there are more misinterpretations and a genuine term.

With every "ism" , with every new movement, comes its original ethics and some responsibilities - the same kind that befall a free man. If you want the right and privilege to live in a free country under a democracy - you have the duty to vote, to make the right choice.

 If you gain the power, you also gain the duty to wield the power responsibly. You have to have the backbone to stomach the power and function with integrity. ( yes, use your spine and stomach together!)  Not many can do that. The same seems to have happened with feminism.

Bad Feminism - is a beautiful read to just starting to understand that while feminism doesn't have all the answers, it is a damn well done thing ,and that we have a lot to thank it for.

Yes I am a feminist, I believe I am an open minded, friendly feminist who can accept the flaws of the movement. No I do not hate men. No I am not a victim lady (though yes I have been subjected to violence, threats, harassments from men and have had serious cases of blind panic moments that makes feminism very important to me in reality) , I agree that women shouldn't treat men badly (vice versa please) , No I do not think we deserve to rule this world now as men have ruled it for ages. I still love to cook, I want to have children and a career, I want to take care of people ,NO I don't have short hair and I won't knock you out for opening a door for me.

I AM a feminist.

I have my own brand of it. Like many other women. Each to their own. I am not afraid or ashamed to call myself a feminist, I am only proud to do so. It is a noble movement that required real guts to start, which still requires a lot of guts to withstand lots of things in today's world too , it is uncomfortable, it makes people squirm. I tell things as they are. I am not afraid to be vulnerable. It is my power.

Next time , when the urge to ask " Should I call myself a feminist" comes over you, just remember to think if you are glad or not about women being able to vote, if your answer is yes, then yes , you are a feminist. Go through the post about feminism in India. You will agree that you are a feminist.

Again - no one need conform to that title. Titles are just that. You are a feminist ( - or a decent human being) if you believe that both the genders should be treated like "People" and not secondary citizens. Feminism to me doesn't only target crimes against women's rights. Feminism in it's wholeness encapsulates the whole of animated life (and becomes something bigger - more of a humane movement)  - it is in its core, a fight for equal treatment , of fairness and kindness.

As stated in the case above, a truly aware person, or a feminist, will raise their objections when they hear /see anyone being mistreated / misinterpreted / misrepresented. It is about the guts of speaking up and asking others to re analyse their opinions. It is uncomfortable, it requires a strength of character, it requires taking the risk of being laughed at , of being seen as anti social, or a snob. I do know for a fact that some people think I am a huge snob. I am not , but then I am. I like that :)

Saying feminism is wrong is like saying black equality is wrong, or that the caste reform in India was wrong, or that equal rights for Aboriginals are wrong. Such as our law systems are, the group that was disadvantaged , will be given extra rights and benefits to get them on their feet , to stop them from stumbling. Grumbling about feminism is the equivalent of  grumbling about the benefits enjoyed by the lower casts or Aboriginals ( like reserve quota jobs or places in universities)
It comes with the movement. Was needed at the time. Might not be needed any more. Our governments are no good at the job. Keep grumbling.

No....... not really.
 Because, I am now getting fed up with this discussion and I just want you to understand that female equality is a much bigger issue than any regional or religious issues. As we are the half of the human world, we are a big proportion.

So go get yourself an ice cream and contemplate more if you like.

But know this.
Feminism, the real thing - DOESN'T advocate hating men.

"when I will not flinch and shy away from a friendly, caring touch." ( it took me a while to learn the beauty of a friendly touch)
Because we do not trust, haven't learnt to trust.   Why feminism is actually a relevant "Ism" Yet, it might not feels so here in the relevant safety of the west.

I feel her pain, as she said, we all have gone through it. YES all of it and more. Yes it isn't pleasant. Yes there is something wrong with the males there, not all but many.
Though, I have to say I am different from her, that I have always confronted men , since after my 15th year. My mom has taught me to be a warrior. Because she never said it was my fault, or what I wore, or what I said or did or where I went. She taught me to be street smart, to sniff out danger and not to put myself in unnecessary trouble. But never to be afraid.
 I have always looked them straight in the eyes and told them to "Stop staring at me you bloody idiot." I have showed that knife buried in the purse and I have showed my rage. I have hit out blindly, trusting in to the safety of  a crowd around me to escape being hit back.  I've told that guy sitting besides me on the bus to "put your hands back where they belong as my thigh is not your property" and attracted the attention of everyone in the bus to me and the indecency.
Yes - and my dad worries about me and my safety because of my fighting tendency.

This is exactly why feminism is important to me, and I will always fight for the right understanding of it ,as well as calling attention to uncomfortable situations.
It is the duty of an activist of any kind.

The beauty of the lady moon , shining through the eucalyptus trees.

I do think that every "lady" deserves to be treated thus.
Every gentleman should be treated in a fitting manner too.

Being feminine, being manly, fitting the gender roles, is entirely up to the individuals. Up to the couple, up to their own brand of equilibrium.
I am quite sold on those couples that support each other through things, and even after 10 years in to the relationship, the man holds the door for the woman. I know we can't be acting in harmony all the time ( doesn't happen) but as long as trust and respect stays, everything else can be weathered.

A few days back, I was treated to a beautiful dinner by a male friend. He cooked it all and allowed me to sit and watch, open to criticism and he admitted it was trying on his nerves. ( he he )
I felt so warm and fuzzy about it as no man has actually ever cooked for me. Especially for me.It was a gesture that will stay. (he even did the dishes!)  Isn't that what we all want, feminists or not?(feeling liked , not just not having to cook and doing the dishes ) (Bet you thought that!)


Yesterday at work, I was talking with a client and he was being flirty,  now, as a Leo, I like playful flirty, but I abhor old men who think that just because they compliment a woman, they should be putty in their hands.

He was probably older than my own father too. So I was steering the conversation determinedly back to business. And at one point, after a gush of complements and asking me out for dinner, he said, " why, where are the thank you -s and the chatter?"
"I am telling you all that you require to know , what else do you want?"

"Do you know , your name means Goddess in my language, you sure are acting like one!"
So that infuriated me farther,
"Yes, I know my name means Goddess, so you better be really careful, Goddesses are dangerous creatures"

That put him off.

Like - what's with that. Just because I am single doesn't mean I want to date all and sun dry who ask! I am not playing hard to get if I don't blush at their empty complements and neither am I loose if I like to flirt in a friendly manner.
I once wrote, " I am flirtatious, I flirt with men, women and children. I flirt with animals,I flirt with little old ladies, I flirt with flowers and leaves. I flirt with life. Playful friendliness is called flirting, so be it."

Anyhow, I am done, My brain won't be able to produce any more arguments for anything as it is 1.30 am.

Shoo off to bed with you all.

If you need a farther nightcap , go and look at the images below.


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