representing different times and moods

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Because I am.
This has always been a favourite read for me. But because of what happened yesterday , I am going to put it with it.

I wrote about it so I shall just paste the same here.
" Today at work , an old lady came up to chat with me. She is French, upright, coherent and collected, and 94. She runs her late husbands business still , who was English and they came out here 30 years back. She said she doesn't enjoy here always as people aren't friendly. (I wonder)
She made me think, I want to be like her at 94. Very elegant , no stooping or shuffling of feet business. No sir. And I see young people walking around with no grace at all. It is a shame. A proud erect back does say a lot.
She told me she liked my face, particularly my eyes, "your eyes are alive" ,she said.You are very full of life and it shows on your expressive face. She took my hand in hers (and as I had just come back after buying milk ) "Oh!! your hand is cold, but your heart is warm." I wanted to give her a hug, but she wasn't your normal little old lady, you couldn't handle her like that without considering first hand what you are implying, but I did give her shoulder a squeeze and asked her to take very good care of herself. I know she will."
I love this video. You'd have never thought, would you have? The complex relations between animals and ecology are very easy to miss. Humans in  their usually haphazard way, have no notion of anything what so ever.

I am unfashionably sincere , live with a feral honesty, and suffer a libertine's desperation for new experiences. Those elegant of soul, those loyal of heart, those extravagant of mind will understand what I mean.

Doesn't mean I can't do a Jane Austen's Heroin justice in tight social situations, Me is sleek dude!


“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.” ~ Sophia Loren 

Thus  - I shall always be beautiful. That is my resolve.

Today was a magical day, I set forth in to the world with my dreams on my sleeve, with my heart quite open, and a smile on my face. Then, the world loved me so! My magic was felt widely and all over. All that met me want to talk to me, and I ,them. They all felt a pang when I left, when the discussions came to a close. The bonding energies ran high and vivid. It was amazing, it was rewarding in a most human way, It is exhausting - mind you - all that stimulation of the soul, but worth it for the unadulterated happiness and understanding one gets of the world.

I have started a ritual, to greet myself once I have become conscious of a new day having started when I awaken. They say, "Talk to yourself as you would to a loved one." That's a no brainer right? But do you really do that? There is no one so hard on us, as us alone.

So I went early for my yoga class, after a minute breakfast of oats soaked overnight in home made yoghurt and berries, nuts.  I wrote a tentative brief for our studio proposals for our team before leaving. Using your brain first thing in the morning isn't such a bad idea. It also gave me something to congratulate myself for. Something accomplished so early in the day. 


Most of my days tend to be choke full of things to do (and others are full of lazy lolling around in luxuriant sensuality of being, reading, sleeping ,creating) - I reached the house of my students, they are fast becoming my most favourite but I must also say that each have their own endearing perks. These two ladies just happen to be right up my alley, so they say. I didn't realise my yoga student is one of the only 4 specials of "something" in Australia (considering that number, I shouldn't say what it is - her privacy thing) , and I haven't met a more humble, down to earth person. So gentle ,but firm in her ways. The other one is more bubbly, yet very firm in her way too. Rather like me, childish, happy, chirpy. The eye will be drawn to her. Always doing something. Both are amazingly intelligent, insightful and interesting. Today, my teaching was overlaid with pleasure of the company. We drifted off in to our talk of insights in to the different cultures, what is rude and what is not, lions, philosophy of things,love, men (for me) and relationships in general, Impact of congestion on the way people behave, and the downfalls of Australian society , and Indian. 

She is a Psychologist. I am a gatherer of wisdom. We both agree that the drive to achieve that mythical  "Status" , that elusive something is killing of the enjoyment of living. Mostly here, things can not replace moments, bought things can not bring as much joy and satisfaction as making things with your own hands or with someone you love. 

She has mastered her characters now and vowels, Now I told her, "you are now free to use this language!" She wrote my name herself. I am not going to make her learn words first - first we are going to have SO much fun with the structure of the language that she had learnt, I want to reinforce it  - she is going to write a passage of English, in Hindi script. Talk of fun ! We also agreed that my name, if spelt Deeva, would be rather unappealing, and that my mom says about (and I agree) the influence of names on personalities, and she agrees too - as she has seen so many similarities in personalities, strengths,weaknesses , in her clients - I have observed the same. I like Diva. We both agreed, that "the true success of parenting lies in the offspring liking = loving the person that they are" - good work my parents.

 Oh, and we sit here, learn,teach ,and grow - while sipping green tea. We also get excited about pebbles, shells, insects buried in amber, metal ants and crocheting/ embroidery, anything. We are like that.

 Neeedless to say that the class lasted almost an hour longer than planned - we hadn't had a session  in the last three weeks and it was a delight. We didn't want to part. We wanted to keep talking. She is 60 and I am 25. We are the same. We have the same enthusiasm for life. Today she asked me what my dream was, what was my ultimate goal? She is a good psychologist cause she said, "If you could live here half the time and half the time in India, that would be good for you." She understood. She didn't question me when I said I want a farm near Gir, so that I can make sure my children know what life really is. Growing up partially near a forest, near the lions. She agreed it would teach them something nothing else can. Respect, for all things that matter. A deep rooted intelligence and empathy. Culture. Art. History. While the influence of the west would teach them to be questioning , to be analytical, open and friendly. How I want my art to make my money for me, how I want to create more, as I travel, and the consensus was, I will need to find someone open enough to my ideas, while I have to be open to fluctuations , the most important thing for a relationship is to be able to integrate plans from both sides together, in a way that works. So that the respect and enjoyment of each others company can fuel things and the differences may not work against ,but for the strength of dreams made bigger and better.

That is all I want.

Anyhow,so as you can see , I have no problem opening up to people that I like. I also got two hugs.

Then I had to go and deliver some photos :) When I talk of/think of my dreams, I seem to extrude this happiness that makes people want to hang around. Even this guy who came to take his thumb drive faltered and had a chat before leaving. People love the stuff. 

Then I went to Kakulas, it is a grocery store that sell Indian and Mediterranean spices, herbs, nuts, grains, beans, cheeses, lentils, and more,and more, in a loose way. Which I love.SO ... I was filling up things and beaming at nature's bounty, when a guy came up to me and asked if he could help, or if anyone was attending to me, so I said, not I was doing my own thing, thank you. He then introduced himself as the owner, we shook hands, and talks started. He is Greek, and asked if I was Macedonian or Italian /Greek? My features, he said, are very Mediterranean. Alexander did pass through India, he said. So I repeated the story of my family having "some sort of distant connection to Italy aeons ago" (My aunt and me used to dream of living in Italy (before we found this in some piece of literature), at one stage and wishing we were Italian - dreams come true in ways you can't fathom) He then asked what he could offer me, was I a sweet person or savoury? So I went for savoury and he gave me a bag of salted cashews that they roast in store as a complementary gift. I said I loved his store because it made me feel like home. He then asked if I had time to sample his best silver needle white tea as he enjoyed talking with me. I said ok, why ever not, a tea cup for new friendships! ( made sure he knew I had a boyfriend , a hypothetical one, for now. Rich older men, One has to be very to the point with the image one gives- I have no intention of giving the wrong sort) - so apparently, this tea is $800 a kilogram, sadly, I had to say, I am tea layman - and have no sense of the refined in teas. I do feel rather happy I've tried it though :) It was interesting to think about. 

We talk about what I did, about his Catholic background and his interest in the Iscon temple, his training as a lawyer, Havans, and Lord Krishna. He asked if I wanted to join him sometime when he went to the temple to sing the "Bhajan" ( It is sometimes weird talking with people here about my own culture and they seem to think I might not know it) , I said I have nothing against singing prayers, I love it, but I have everything against any kind of Hierarchy in a spiritual thing, when it becomes a cult, it brings in politics. We talked about spirituality, Hinduism ,Buddhism, how all the divine entities are necessarily of an individual's choice, how only necessary understanding is that of the universal energy, that is in us all, how we all can be Buddha, and that Buddha is not meant to mean God, just as important, like us all-  and he asked if I had studied these thing very deeply? How did I know so much ? So clear in my spiritual convictions? And when people go like that on me, I go... "errrr .. yeah I guess I know a bit, but nah, I am not a scholar of any of it." I mean, why does one need to have to have done that to have some clarity?  I am just not all over the place, in that topic, that's all. He said he wasn't trying to convert me to anything by asking me there, well I said,I am already a Hindu, you can't convert me to Hinduism. In the end I said I may come, with my "boyfriend". He said yes, maybe you can be my yoga teacher later on. We exchanged cards and he walked me out.  He said, "You have a very kind face, a sweet face that shows you will listen when someone speaks. You have the right energy, and that is what must make people speak to you." 

Well I am just happy that I can speak to people, and connect on so many levels. It is a privilege. 

Then I walked in to Govinda's to get my lunch, a man standing in front of me looked at me shyly and being on my high horse, I said hello - He flushed and kept peeking at me through out lunch, a little girl came in with her mother, and she kept looking at me, then I made a face at her and smiled, so she smiled and sat near me, looking all the time. It is a bit uncomfortable to have two people kind of staring at you and I was careful to not let my sauce drip :P . Then I got up, said by to the guy (still trying to hide that he was looking and smiling) - who said bye with alacrity for someone not looking, and I said a bigger,louder ,wavier bye to the little girl, who jumped off her chair and waved at me with both her hands, blowing a kiss. 

I passed a fund raiser guy and shook his hand, and we did a half dancing swing, "you are happy!" he said, and we exchanged greetings. I went past the museum and the urge to go in again came over, so I did, and had a turn around in my favourite "Treasures of Afghanistan" - I have gone to them when ever I was in need of inspiration, it had smelt, felt, tasted or something essentially home like. The touch of mystery and history, of treasures and craftsmanship. Something remotely connected to the aching love I have for the Himalayas, and of course, the Hindukush. I talked with a staff member who then let me see a new york artist's impression of the gold ornaments, and showed where she was struggling to find the exact likeness of the intricate carving and emboss work. I spent half an hour with her working that out. It was the three dimensional form and the lighting that made the undulating landscape a bit incomprehensible in a two dimensional illustration. Then ,as always, I looked at the tree of heart, leaf petal crown, closed my eyes capturing the picture in my head, and walked out. 

Then I went and did my vegetable shopping. Came back and left again to meet another client, she had made me some home made Murukku to munch on while I "Thought on things". So people gave me food :) and a hug.
Walking up to her had brought me past my little girl friend's home and they had extracted a promise from me to come play with them after my business- they will prepare flowers for me, and so they were sitting there waiting. We had a play, today I got to introduce myself to the respective parents who were rightly concerned, then they gave me the flowers and one of them came over to jump on the trampoline , and then they both gave me big hugs, and more promises to come by "anytime we can!" (scary ! )

Then I came back home and jumped on the trampoline while Neil told me about his day .

So, after dinner - I slumped off to sleep without even realising it. This whole connecting business is exhausting.

BUT, now that I have recorded this day , I can always come back to it and re read it,when I need that extra willingness to smile and move a bit closer to people. But as I told someone, "there is a hidden delight, a glamour, in wallowing in sorrow too!" So sometimes, it is permissible, in moderation.

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